RECORDS MANAGEMENT HANDBOOK PLAIN LETTERS

• Document Type: CREST
• Collection: General CIA Records
• Document Number (FOIA) /ESDN (CREST): CIA-RDP74-00005R000100020024-6
• Release Decision: RIFPUB
• Original Classification: K
• Document Page Count: 51
• Document Creation Date: December 9, 2016
• Document Release Date: April 24, 2001
• Sequence Number: 24
• Publication Date: March 15, 1955
• Content Type: REPORT

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RECORDS MANAGEMENT HANDBOOK
Managing Correspondence
PLAIN
LETTERS
GENERAL SERVICES ADMINISTRATION
NATIONAL ARCHIVES AND RECORDS SERVICE
RECORDS MANAGEMENT DIVISION
Federal Stock Number
7610-205-1091
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RECORDS MANAGEMENT HANDBOOKS are developed
by the National Archives and Records Service as technical
guides to reducing and simplifying Government paperwork.
RECORDS MANAGEMENT HANDBOOKS:
Managing correspondence: Plain Letters ..........................1955...47 p.
Managing correspondence: Form Letters ..........................1954...33 p.
Managing noncurrent files: Federal Records Centers .............1954...25 p.
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FOREWORD
TO THOSE WHO WRITE AND THOSE WHO SIGN
GOVERNMENT LETTERS :
An estimated one billion Federal letters a year are now passing
through your hands. In appraising the quality of this vast
amount of paperwork, the recent report of the Hoover Com-
mission Task Force on Paperwork Management had this to say :
From an analysis of hundreds of thousands of letters written during
the past several years, the staff members of the task force are forced to
conclude that many Government letterwriters well deserve the reputation
they have earned for long sentences, long paragraphs, and long words.
Government letters abound with legal terms, abstract nouns, passive
verbs, and dense subordinate clauses. There is a prevailing opinion that
this is, in fact, "Government style." The net result is:
1. Letters are often hard to understand, causing additional un-
necessary correspondence.
2. Letters are unduly long, causing additional unnecessary cost.
It is the purpose of this handbook to help you improve the
efficiency of Government letters by turning them out in plain,
workaday English. The book was written for the General
Services Administration by Mona Sheppard, staff specialist in
correspondence management, with the advice of numerous
craftsmen in practical letter writing. Grateful acknowledgment
is made to those Federal agencies and those publishing houses
which have contributed so many of the example letters.
MARCH 15, 1955.
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CONTENTS
I. STYLE------------------- ----- ------ -- - --- 1
The principle-------- --------------------------------------- 1
From principle to policy--------.------------------------------ 2
From policy to technique------------------------------------- 2
From technique to example------------------------------------ 2
Getting at the root of the trouble------------------------------ 3
Setting the style--------------------------------------------- 3
II. CRAFTSMANSHIP--------------------
What makes a letter plain?----------------------------------- 5
The 4-S letter--------------------------------------------- 5
The 4-S formula-------------------------------------------- 6
Applying the 4-S formula -------------------------------------- 8
For ----------------------------------------------- 8
simplicity--------------------------------------------.- 15
For strength----....------------------------------------------ 22
For sincerity--------------------------------------- ------ 27
The mail must go outl---------------------------------------- 32
III. EXAMPLES---------------------------------------- 33
Asking letters----------------------------------------------- 33
Reply letters------------------------------------------------ 34
Report by letter--------------------------------------------- 36
Voice of the people------------------------------------------- 37
Ordinary business-------------------------------------------- 38
Setting the record straight------------------------------------ 39
IV. THE WATCHLIST ----------------------------------- 41
THE LETTERWRITER'S CHECKLIST------------------- 47
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I. STYLE
Once when Franklin K. Lane was Secretary of Interior he happened to see
a very ornate letter to an Indian. That letter, in Mr. Lane's own words, was
"so involved and so elaborately braided and beaded and fringed" that he himself
could not understand it. So he sent it back to its author with this pithy advice:
Use straightaway English.
We don't know the rest of the story. But if the author took Mr. Lane's
advice we can easily imagine how he slashed through the trappings that hid the
meaning of his letter. He cut out lazy words and cut down big ones. He woke
up passive verbs and made them active, straightened out roundabout phrases,
and shortened long sentences. Then he tied all his sentence:,, together.
When the author had done slashing and straightening we: can imagine that the
Indian letter was transformed. From beginning to end its meaning shone clearly
in every single word. It may not have been a literary masterpiece, but it was
easy to read and easy to understand. It was a plain letter.
THE PRINCIPLE
Now good writers like Franklin K. Lane are not the only people who prefer
plain letters. Indeed, most of us, in and out of Government, welcome straight-
away English with a sigh of relief. Our preference for plain writing does not
come from literary taste alone; nor does it stem solely from the fact that simple
language is easy to read. We also have a dollar interest. Everybody knows that
spendthrifts in words are spendthrifts in dollars. Without benefit of measure it
is safe to say that needless words pile up needless costs, and foggy meanings exact
their tolls from the tax bin.
Despite these facts, many people have the notion that plain letters are not
stylish in Government. There are those outside the Government who think that
the Government nowadays avoids plain language like the very plague. They tell
us we habitually wind off long involved sentences weighed down with big meaning-
less words. Showing us all the things wrong with our writing, they point to letters
that abound in legal terms, abstract nouns, passive verbs, and dense subordinate
clauses. But then they say, after all, that's Government style.
The wonder of it is that some people inside Government seem to believe as
our critics do. There are those people in Government who can write plainly, but
oftentimes don't. After all, they say of their own writing, that's Government
style.
And there are others in Government who do write plainly, but who think of
themselves as exceptions to the rule. After all, they say of the other fellow's
letter, that's Government style.
Keeping company with these people in their notion is the man who gets a
hard-to-understand Government letter. To be sure, he is peeved upon being
muddled by a phrase such as "noncompensable evaluation heretofore assigned,"
but he is seldom really mad. After all, he says, that's the way the Government
writes.
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Here, seemingly, is a rut so deep it's hard to see the way out. But the rut,
mind you, is in the way of thinking. There is no real obstacle in the way of writing
good Government letters. The old "beg-to-advise" cliches are in mothballs;
grammar is sound. The men and women who write Government letters are better
prepared than ever before to write clearly. Moreover, we have the means within
Government for showing them how it is done. We have only to shake off the
complacency in the way of thinking to make plain letters the prevailing style.
FROM PRINCIPLE TO POLICY
We can begin by adopting a firm policy on letter style. If we agree, as we
surely do, that the principle of plain k.:ters is good for American Government, then
let us convert this principle to policy. Let the word go down from the highest
places in Government to the lowest: Use straightaway English-that's Govern-
ment style! Let the virtues of plain letters be preached by voices that can be
heard. Then, when all letterwriters know the policy, let them be reminded again
and again of what they already know.
Above all, those officials who sign mail must be always respectful of plain
letters. When evidence of their respect seeps through to the men and women
who ghostwrite Government letters, the policy on style will be firm.
FROM POLICY TO TECHNIQUE
Of course, style policy will not of itself make plain letters the prevailing style.
There must be light on the subject so that all may see what plain letters are and
what makes them so. The light is shed by a few basic guides the lamps of the
craftsman. It shines from old books on rhetoric and from modern-day writing
formulas, from complete college courses, and from "ten easy lessons." The
craftsman's lamp is not an Aladdin's lamp. It does not transform involved writing
to straightaway English like magic. It simply lights the way to letters that are
easy to read and easy to understand. Once the way is clear letters are bound to
improve.
The basic guides to writing plain letters will be found in part II of this book.
FROM TECHNIQUE TO EXAMPLE
Robert Ascham, a wise teacher in the time of Britain's first Queen Elizabeth,
once said, "One example is more valuable than twenty precepts written in books."
That principle is as true today as it was three hundred and fifty years ago.
Someone up the line is likely to make an example of a poor letter by returning
it to the author for rewriting. That is a common and a sensible practice. How
uncommon, though, and yet how equally sensible, is the practice of making examples
of good letters! The official up the line who takes time to make an example of a
good letter is certain to be rewarded with more like it. The point is, he lets the
ghostwriter know what he means by a good letter; he gives the author a standard
for comparison.
Good plain letters can be found any day in any department of the Government.
Some of them are printed in part III of this book. Why not subscribe to old
Ascham's principle, and try to break our bad writing habits by making examples
of our good ones?
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GETTING AT THE ROOT OF THE TROUBLE:
While shedding these lights we should look for the reasons why we get bad
letter-writing habits in the first place. Otherwise, like the gardener who prunes
the bush without digging the roots, we may rid ourselves of one crop of jargon
while a new growth flourishes.
The real root of our trouble, we may well believe, is the "official language"
handed the Government letterwriter along with the other badges of office. Official
language is not talk. It is the written word passed out as rules - the so-called "ad-
ministrative issuances," often as abstruse as the very name, and always ringing
with the authority of impressive sources.
Laws and rules are the stuff that Government letters are made of. The letter-
writer apes the language of rules because he is not sure of its meaning, or because
he is loath to simplify language attributed to a higher source. Yet the language
of rules-formal, legalistic, and frequently obscure-is as out of place in a letter
as a dinner jacket in an office.
This is not to say that the proponents of plain letters should take it upon them-
selves to simplify the language of rules. It is to say that so long as the language of
rules is incompatible with that of plain letters we must find a way for keeping it out.
There are two suggestions for doing this. The first is to make letterwriters feel
free to paraphrase. The second is to make sure that letterwriters know so well the
subjects they write about that they can discuss them correctly and naturally.
SETTING THE STYLE
All that has been said adds up to the fact that it takes unceasing drive to strip
the braids and beads and fringes from letters. Is the task seemingly so ambitious
as to discourage practical Government administrators? What is needed in the way
of additional personnel? Will the time and effort pay off?
Let's review the suggestions that have been made :
Adopt a firm policy on letter style.
Shed light on plain letters by examples and by guides in crafts-
manship.
Rout the language of rules from letters by encouraging para-
phrasing and by making sure that letterwriters understand the
rules well enough to write about them naturally and correctly.
Now consider some possibilities for carrying out these suggestions :
Give an able employee authority to drive for plainer letters;
give him the top management support needed to spur the drive.
Let him, in cooperation with the agency's training program, see
to it that classroom training in plainer writing is available at all
times, whenever and wherever it is needed.
Let him, in cooperation with supervisors, see to it that on-the-job
training in letterwriting and in the meaning of laws and rules is
part of everyday's work.
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Let him dispel the notion that a letterwriter, because of rank,
need not be told how to improve letters. Poor letters are not
respectful of rank.
Let him see to it that a system is established for circulating copies
of good plain letters; let him encourage up-the-line officials to
return copies of good letters to their authors with a simple note,
such as I like this lettef.
Tie up every loose end through which poor form letters slip into
print.* Have all printed letters written by the agency's best
writers.
Surely, it is not contemplated that the ambition to improve letters will lead
to endless rewrites and research for fit and shining words. On the way to improve-
ment passable letters must be passed; moreover, the way is not the way of a
literary venture. The goal, for the most part, is for short, clear, and sincere
letters. The task, for the most part, is to make plain language fashionable in
letterwriting circles.
Plain language can be made the fashion without hiring a single new employee.
But some of our people must become our fashion experts. Others with voices
that can be heard must proclaim the style. And I he style must be shown over
and over again by the right people in the right places. Then, because of that
penchant we all have for prevailing styles, if for no other reason, the odds will
certainly favor plainer letters.
*See Records Management Handbook: Managing Correspondence-Form Letters
(General Services Administration 1954).
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II. CRAFTSMANSHIP
WHAT MAKES A LETTER PLAIN?
Take a minute to look at a
letter. There it is : a simple parcel
for carrying a message. So char-
acteristic is its appearance you
know at once what it is. It has a
head to show where it came from
and when it was written. An
address tells its destination. The
close serves to prove who sent it;
the body is its why and how.
Custom adds a couple of frills : a
salutation to greet the reader and
a complimentary close to show him
respect.
So there you have a letter,
parts and parcel ! Had you ever
thought how neatly the parts are
parceled, and with what defer-
ence to that dictum for clarity,
"what, where, when, who, why,
and how!"
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Because of this neat arrangement you can get off to the business of writing a
letter at once. Don't let the frills trouble you. If your agency or the person who
signs the letter has a preferred salutation and complimentary close, respect that
preference. Otherwise, you will show good taste by using Dear Mr., Mrs., or Miss
with a surname as a salute, and Sincerely yours as a compliment. Gentlemen
is appropriate for saluting several men; Ladies, for several women. When address-
ing both men and women the etiquette books would have ;you mention the ladies
first, as Ladies and Gentlemen. A salutation like My dear Mr. President or
My dear Mr. Secretary, and a close like Respectfully yours, are reserved for
very formal letters. Use them sparingly lest they become unduly unctuous.
When in doubt about a proper salutation and complimentary close, ask your
stenographer. That is really her business.
THE 4-S LETTER
It is your job to write the message, the body of the letter. If you do your job
well, people who read one of your letters know at once why you wrote it without
their being at all conscious of how you wrote it. In other words, you write plainly.
Some of us have the notion that we impress our readers, or perhaps our bosses,
with big words and long involved sentences. We think the more we say and the
more pompously we say it, the more distinguished our letters will be. That is far
from the truth as any good letter craftsman can tell us. Good plain letters are the
kind our readers like to receive. And they are the kind our Government profits
by, because they are efficient as well as satisfying.
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Suppose we look at a sample of a good plain letter. This one was written by
that master of simplicity, Abraham Lincoln, nearly a century ago.
DEAR SIR: Your note about the little paragraph in the "Republican"
was received yesterday, since which time I have been too unwell to notice it.
I had not supposed you wrote or approved it. The whole originated in
mistake. You know by the conversation with me that I thought the
establishment of the paper unfortunate, but I always expected to throw no
obstacle in its way, and to patronize it to the extent of taking and-paying
for one copy. When the paper was brought to my house, my wife said to
me, "Now are you going to take another worthless little paper?" I said
to her evasively, "I have not directed the paper to be left." From this, in
my absence, she sent the message to the carrier. This is the whole story.
Yours truly,
ABRAHAM LINCOLN
The simple exposition in this letter leaves no doubt that the difficulty, what-
ever it may have been, originated in a mistake. The tone of the letter is courteous
and friendly without being obsequious; sincere and strong because it is forthright.
And the words-all of them useful to the message-are plain, everyday ones!
Note, then, that simplicity is not the only virtue of plain letters. A good plain
letter merits this 4-S badge of honor:
S 4 Shortness
Simplicity
Strength
Sincerity
THE 4-S FORMULA
Read the first version of the letter on the opposite page. Like the Lincoln
letter this one was written to explain a mistake. But unlike the Lincoln letter it
is stilted, wordy, and exasperating. It is a typical example of our worst letter-
writing habits.
Now read the second version of the same letter. Of the two versions, which
do you prefer? Which makes you feel more sympathetic toward the person who
made the mistake?
Of course, few people have the talent for writing with the simplicity of Abraham
Lincoln. And the chances are you will never be able to emulate his superb style.
But like the person who rewrote the letter on the next page you can write naturally.
If your letters are complex and wordy you can make them simple and short. You
can strengthen your sentences and improve the tone of your letters by your very
sincerity. You can do it by sticking to this formula:
FOR SHORTNESS
Don't make a habit of repeating what is said in a letter you
answer.
Avoid needless words and needless information.
Beware of roundabout prepositional phrases, such as with re-
gard to and in reference to.
Watch out for nouns and adjectives that derive from verbs. Use
these words in their verb form more frequently.
Don't qualify your statements with irrelevant "ifs."
-6-
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FIRST VERSION
September 10,.195+
Dear Mr. --- ,
This will acknowledge receipt of your letter of September 5, 1954, en-
closing an application for --- and stating that this application was pre-
viously submitted to this agency on August 25, 1954, but was returned with-
out evidence of any action having been taken thereon.
A thorough search of the records of this office indicates that you are
correct in your assumption that no action has been taken on the application
in question. Therefore, it would appear that due to an inadvertency, you
were not informed that the application failed to meet the requirements for
evidence in accordance with regulations promulgated under :Public Law --- as
amended January --- . Accordingly, it is necessary that this office again
return it with a supplementary form attached.
If you desire to reapply it is necessary that the supplement be com-
pleted in accordance with the instructions printed thereon, appended to the
original application, and returned to this office at the address shown
above. When the form is received in this office, properly completed and
duly executed, you may be assured that prompt action will be taken.
Any inconvenience you may have been caused is sincerely regretted.
SECOND VERSION :.:::::..............:.::
You are due an apology for our error in returning your ---? application as
we recently did. You had every right to expect a letter of explanation.
The fact is, your application had to go back to you for more information,
but somehow it got into the mails without our letter telling you this.
We are now sending you a supplement which we should have sent you in the
first place. You will see that the form you filled out is an old one. It
does not call for all the facts that are needed since the law was changed
last January. The supplement tells what is needed and how the additional
facts are made part of your application.
As much as we dislike causing you more delay, this office must have all the
facts before it can act on your claim. If you will let us have your appli-
cation once more, with the supplement, we shall see that It gets prompt and
careful attention.
....
:.:..:::. ? :. ............ ................................... ... ..... .................
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FOR SIMPLICITY
Know your subject so well you can discuss it naturally and con-
fidently.
Use short words, short sentences, and short paragraphs.
Be compact. Don't separate closely related parts of sentences.
Tie thoughts together so your reader can follow you from one to
another without getting lost.
FOR STRENGTH
Use specific, concrete words.
Use more active verbs.
Don't explain your answer before giving it. Give answers
straightaway; then explain if necessary.
Don't hedge. Avoid expressions like it appears.
FOR SINCERITY
Be human. Use words that stand for human beings, like the
names of persons and the personal pronouns you, he, she, we,
and so on.
Admit mistakes. Don't hide them behind meaningless words.
Don't overwhelm your reader with intensives and emphatics.
Do not be obsequious or arrogant. Strive to express yourself
in a friendly way and with a simple dignity befitting the United
States Government.
The 4-S formula contains the rules for correcting the common faults of Govern-
ment letters, but it does not contain all the advice for writing good letters. Some
good advice is omitted for the simple reason that no craftsman can tell you how
to make use of it. A craftsman can tell you, for instance, that the information in
letters should be correct and complete, but he can give you no specific rules for
making it so. That's up to you.
Other advice is omitted because it leads to rules for correcting faults not usually
found in Government letters. There are the basic rules of grammar, for example,
which most Government writers observe. This does not mean that we must be
purists to write good plain letters. We may occasionally split an infinitive or leave
a participle dangling without spoiling the efficiency of a letter, offending the reader,
or detracting from the dignity of Government. It does mean that the quality of
our grammar must be such that it is always acceptable in polite company.
APPLYING THE 4-S FORMULA
FOR SHORTNESS
The length of a letter is not to be measured by lines or pages. A two-page
letter may be short, while a ten-line letter may be long.
There are only two tests for telling whether a letter is too long. One is
whether it says more than need be said. The other is whether it takes too many
words for what it must say.
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In applying the formula for shorter letters, it is well to remember that letters
can also be too short. Those that convey their meanings in telegraphic language
are unbecomingly short. Information that will give the reader a clearer under-
standing does not add length, and words that lend courtesy of tone are not
useless.
Don't make a habit of repeating what is said in a letter you answer
Do you wind up when you begin answering a letter? Does this sound like
your own style?
This is in reply to your letter of January 10, 1954, in which you request a
copy of the publication entitled "The Craftsmanship of Letterwriting."
When you have answered one question do you wind up again before you
begin on the next one, like this?
Information is also requested in your letter as to the approximate publi-
cation date of the stenographers' manual.
If you repeat questions you may do so for the sake of transition: to build a
bridge between the inquiry and the answer. But when your talk to people do you
repeat their questions before answering them?
Letters of reply can begin easily and naturally if they are treated conversa-
tionally without any device for bridging the question and. the answer. The fol-
lowing letter, for instance, should come as no surprise to the person who asked for
the publications :
We are sorry to tell you that we have no more copies of "The Craftsmanship
of Letterwriting," which is out of print.
The stenographers' manual will be published in the late fall. We shall
send you a copy as soon as it is ready.
Perhaps, though, you have another reason which you consider a good one for
referring to the incoming letter. Perhaps you wish to emphasize the subject, or
perhaps you think acknowledgment is a polite convention that should not be
tossed overboard. Then try these suggestions for brevity and naturalness:
Avoid stilted openings as Reference is made to your letter,
This is in reply to your letter, and We are in receipt of your
letter.
Keep out of the trouble that comes from beginning with In re-
ply to your letter or Replying to your letter. Where will you
go from there? To complete a correct sentence you must go on
with we wish to say or you are informed, or something similar
that supplies the noun to support the opening phrase. This is
awkward.
Refer to the inquiry by its date only, as Thank you for your
letter of June 10, or,
Mention the subject of the inquiry in as few words as possible.
Get variety in the opening sentence this way :
Make the inquiry the subject of the opening sentence, as
Your interesting letter of September 3 telling about
your experience in soil conservation would hearten
any farmer.
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Refer to the inquiry indirectly with a subordinate clause, as
"The Craftsmanship of Letterwriting," which you
asked for in your letter of May 23, is out of print.
Don't describe an incoming letter as recent, particularly when the
description doesn't fit. If you are embarrassed by the age of the
inquiry, apologize for the delay in answering. For example, be-
gin by saying We are sorry to be so long in answering your
letter.
Whenever possible start on a pleasant note. If you should thank
your reader for something, begin by thanking him. If the
reader is right about one thing and wrong about another, begin
by telling him wherein he is right.
In interoffice mail use the subject line for a brief statement of
the subject and be content with that. The word Subject is
printed on the Government memorandum, Standard Form 64,
to eliminate the necessity of stating the subject in the body of the
letter. The date of the inquiry may be added to the end of the
subject line, as: Subject: FY 1954 budget (your memo
9/7/52).
A number of opening sentences illustrating these suggestions are
printed on the next page.
If the words are heaped up, the thoughts become more and
more obscure. . . . A word too much always defeats its
purpose. . . . True brevity of expression consists of every-
where saying only what is worth saying, and in avoiding
tedious details about things every man can supply for
himself. - Schopenha uer
Flom Schopenhauer's advice we can make two good rules for letterwriters:.
Cut out words that add nothing to the reader's understanding
or to the sentence structure.
Leave out "beside-the-point" information.
Let's try the first rule on the following sentence :
If you want a refund, please com-
plete the enclosed a lication Isn't this obvious?
form, Request for Re uri over The form shows this.
Cut out words that are not worth saying, and the above sentence is reduced
from 27 to 12 words. It now reads:
If you want a refund, please complete and return the enclosed form.
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 FOR A BETTER BEGINNING
Stiff and wordy
This is in response to your letter of November
15, 1954, in which you request information in
regard to the recent amendment to Title - of
Public Law -.
In accordance with the authority contained in
your letter of April 9, 1954, the records of this
office have been amended to show your name
as James Henry Smith instead of John Henry
Smith.
Reference is made to your letter of June 3 to
the Honorable which has been re-
ferred to this office for attention and reply in
connection with your interest in a position as
proofreader.
This is in reference to your letter of June 17,
1952, in which you express your opinion regard-
ing the difficulties you are encountering because
of prevailing economic conditions.
This is in reply to your letter of May 2, 1954,
expressing concern over the fact that you do
not have a birth certificate, and asking if your
Bible record of birth is acceptable proof of age.
It is with the deepest regret that I must decline
your kind invitation to speak at the luncheon
meeting of the Association to be
held on March 14.
Reference is made to your letter of April 7,
1954, enclosing the receipt for ,
which was requested by a letter from this office
dated April 4, 1954.
In reply to your letter of August 10, please be
informed that this office does not keep statisti-
cal data on the number of people in domestic
employment, but it is suggested that you
inquire at the Department of Labor.
An examination of the catalog of this Service
reveals a pamphlet on transition entitled "Word
Bridges," which appears to be the book to
which you make reference in your letter of
October 4, 1954.
It appears from your letter of September 2,
that you are under a misapprehension about
some of the eligibility requirements of Public
Law -, although your understanding of the
citizenship requirement is substantially correct.
Natural and to the point
We are glad to send you the infor-
mation you want on the recent
change in the Social Security law.
After getting your letter of April
9, we corrected our records to show
your first name as James rather
than John.
Senator sent us your
letter to him of June 3, with the
thought that we may have job
openings for proofreaders.
Your letter about the high cost of
living touches on a subject of real
concern to most of us.
The Bible record of your birth
mentioned in your letter of May 2
may be all you need to prove your
age.
As much as I dislike doing so, I
must decline your invitation to
speak at the - luncheon
on March 14.
Thank you for your promptness in
returning the receipt for
We are sorry we cannot answer
your question about domestic em-
ployment. This agency has no
statistics of the kind. We believe,
though, that the Department of
Labor can help you.
"Word-Bridges" may be the book
you had in mind when you wrote
us on October 4.
As you say in your letter of Sep-
tember 2, only citizens of this
country may receive -. There
are several other pointsi though,
that we should like to clear up.
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The following letter illustrates how "beside-the-point" information as well as
needless words can be cut out. The person for whom this letter was intended
asked only one question: How do I apply for a refund of retirement deductions?
Unbecomingly
formal
Tedious,
needless detail
Surely, the
reader knows
this
-but this in a
personal,
friendlier tone
may be a helpful
reminder
Long-winded
with details the
reader can
supply for
himself
This is in reference to your letter of June 16, 1954, in
which you ask how to obtain a refund of money held
to your credit in the Civil Service Retirement fund.
Unfortunately, you left employment in this agency
without giving the Personnel Division an opportunity
for an exit interview, which would have enlightened
you on the subject of civil service retirement rights.
The Civil Service Retirement Act provides that an
employee who is separated from the service after less
than 20 years of service, may elect to receive a refund
of any amounts held to his credit in the retirement
fund, provided such employee has not attained age
62 and completed 15 years service.
The records of this office indicate that you have had
less than 20 years service but more than S. Your
attention is therefore called to the fact that the law
provides the option of an annuity, payable at age 62,
to persons with more than 5 years of service under
the act. By withdrawal of credits in the fund, rights
to annuity are nullified, unless the individual making
the withdrawal is later reemployed in a civil service
position.
If you decide to apply for a refund, it will be necessary
for you to complete the enclosed form, Application
for a Refund of Retirement Deductions, in accord-
ance with the instructions printed on the form, and
send it to the Retirement Division, United States
Civil Service Commission, Washington 25, D. C.
Why begin We take this opportunity to wish you success in your
this sentence new employment with the Telephone Company.
so pompously?
By an informal reply, which becomes a letter to a former employee, at least 100
words can be cut out. The -writer of the following letter avoids tedious detail,
saying only what is worth saying. At the same time he spends a few words to
improve the friendliness of tone, although these words are not essential to the
meaning.
Here is the form you will need to apply for a refund of your civil service
retirement deductions.
We are sorry you left before we had an opportunity to talk to you about
your retirement rights. We wanted to remind you that you may be eligible
for a small annuity at age 62. Your right to an annuity is forfeited if you
take a refund, and may not be regained unless you work again in a Federal
civil service job.
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The little book enclosed will help you figure what your annuity would be.
Of course, age 62 seems a long way off to a person as young as you. But if
you believe a small annuity will come in handy some day, you may not
want to withdraw your credits. For more exact information, write the
Retirement Division, United States Civil Service Commission, Washing-
ton 25, D. C., before sending therd your application.
Our best wishes go for success in your new job with the Telephone Com-
pany.
The above letter reminds you that the diet of words is not one of bare necessity.
Information that may aid the reader is offered freely, even though he does not
request it. Words that lend transition, such as adverbs and conjunctions, are not
sacrificed. And, except in the hands of a skilled craftsman who knows how effective
an occasional fragmentary sentence can be, sentences are complete with subject and
predicate.
Beware of roundabout prepositional phrases
One of the most noticeable traits of Government letterwriters is the use of
roundabout prepositional phrases. They are so easy to recognize and replace with
single prepositions or other parts of speech that there is little excuse for habitually
using them. Here are a number of them with some replacements shown in paren-
theses :
In regard to (about, concerning)
With regard to (about, concerning, on)
In relation to (toward, to)
In connection with (of, in, on)
On the part of (for, among)
With reference to (on, about, concerning)
In view of (because, since)
In the event of (if)
In order to (to)
On behalf of (for)
In accordance with (with, by)
By means of (with, by)
In the case of (if, in)
In the matter of (in)
In the amount of (for)
For the purpose of (for)
In the majority of instances (usually)
In a number of cases (some)
On a few occasions (occasionally)
In the time of (during)
Sometimes a group preposition may be omitted with no replacement, as in this
sentence: Please tell us how many man-hours are spent (in connection with)
auditing vouchers.
When a preposition is needed you can shorten and sharpen your sentence by
using a single one like the ones substituted in the following sentences:
The Administrator spoke to me this morning in regard to (about) your
proposal to reduce the clerical cost in connection with (of) auditing
travel vouchers.
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In the case of (in) the current reduction in force there is no reason for
alarm on the part of (among) the employees of our Department. (Better
still: Our employees have no reason to be alarmed by the current reduction
in force.)
His attitude in relation to (toward) his work is good.
On a few occasions (occasionally) we had trouble getting train reserva-
tions, but in the majority of instances (usually) we reached the field
offices in time to begin conference at 9 a. m.
Watch out for nouns and adjectives that derive from verbs
Many English words have both a noun and verb form, or both an adjective
and verb form, or all three forms. Sometimes the word is identical in its noun
form and in one of its verb forms, as the words reply, study, answer, end, esti-
mate, index, and profit. You can name dozens of others without opening the
pages of a dictionary.
There are other words that derive their noun and adjective forms by adding
endings like -ion, -tion, -ing, -ment, -ent, -ance, -ence, -ancy and -ency.
Thus examine becomes examination and conclude becomes conclusion.
Tend is a forbear of tendency, statement comes from state, and ruling derives
from rule. Suit may turn out as suitable, act as action, and so on.
You work with words like these whenever you write a letter. And you often,
have the choice of using the verb form or the adjective or noun form. If you choose
the nouns and adjectives oftener than the verbs your writing is cluttered.
There are six meaningless little verbs that aid and abet Government letter-
writers more than any others in choosing the noun and adjective forms of words.
They are make, take, give, hold, have, and be. Watch them steal the place of
the basic verbs that might be used in these sentences:
When we held the meeting (met) the division chief made the decision
(decided) that Mr. Hatchett should take action (act) on the case at once.
The rapid growth of manufacturing had a tendency (tended) to draw
workers from rural areas to cities.
He is negligent in (neglects) the details of his work.
The chief counsel made the reply (replied) that the claimant, rather than
his representative, should make an appearance (appear) at the hearing
to give his answers to (answer) the charges.
Make, take, give, hold, have, and be are not the only little pick-up verbs
that link nouns and adjectives to a sentence. You may put an end to a letter
that will be just as final if you end it; reach an agreement that will be just as
binding if you agree; or show an inclination that will be just as perceptible if
you are inclined.
Nouns that derive from verbs are not the only nouns that can be replaced by
verbs. Many nouns and verbs with different roots express the same meaning. He
made a talk may be expressed as he spoke, or these results give the impression
that may be expressed as these results seem to.
If you have a heavy hand with nouns and adjectives, you can go a long way
toward straightaway English by avoiding those nouns and adjectives linked to
your sentences by the six little words: make, take, give, hold, have, and be.
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Don't qualify your statements with irrelevant "ifs"
This rule might have been part of the rule on avoiding needless information.
But so many letterwriters qualify their statements unnecessarily that the "if"
problem must stand alone.
Having said that something is (or more likely may be) so, it is an easy 'matter
to think of the "ifs" that stand in the way. To be sure, "if" sentences and clauses
are often essential to the reader's understanding or to the Government's protection.
On the other hand, they can also become a welter of useless detail. Eagerness to
be on the safe side can lead a letterwriter even to confuse the conditional with the
problematical. That's what happened to the writer who closed his letter with
this sentence :
You are advised that this information is furnished on the assumption that
there will be no changes in the law prior to the time you become eligible
for benefits.
Knowing when to leave off the "ifs?' is more than anything else a matter of
good judgment. The man who wants information about his pension at age 65
need not be told what happens if he dies. The veteran who is told that his insurance
account is in good order may know, without being told, that he must pay premiums
on time to keep it that way. On the other hand, a reader with only 30 days to
file a claim has a current interest in knowing what will happen if he is late, even
though he does not ask.
One of the best ways to avoid pointless "ifs" is to avoid explanations that
begin by saying the law provides or regulations provide. In any general state-
ment under a law or regulation you may be forced into a series of "ifs" to be
strictly accurate.
FOR SIMPLICITY
Know your subject so well you can discuss it confidently and naturally
Two thousand years ago the Roman poet Horace said, "Knowledge is the
foundation and source of good writing." How obvious this becomes when you
compare the letter you wrote on a familiar subject with one on a subject you were
not quite sure of.
Even the person who writes the most unnatural Government letter is apt to
write a friend in natural, simple terms. You may say that writing a personal letter
is quite another thing. You know your reader. He knows you. You need not
please a number of peodle as you must with your Government letters. That is true.
But these differences affect a letter's tone more than its clarity. The personal
letter is easy to understand because the writer understands it so well himself.
A Government letter may turn out hard to understand when the writer, not quite
sure of his subject, plays safe by sticking to the language of rules and laws.
Let Letterwriter X show you what happens. Not sure of the meaning of a
regulation he wrote this sentence in a memorandum:
"PA" means that you are classified with those employees currently serving
under absolute or probational appointments in positions held by the
employee on a pei inanent basis, including preference eligibles in excepted
positions under appointments without time limitations.
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Mr. X's boss, sure of the meaning of "PA" and the status of the person to
get the memorandum, might rewrite that sentence to say :
You are on the "PA" list because you have a permanent civil service ap-
pointment.
There is a notion common in business letterwriting that for all practical
purposes is sheer nonsense. That is the notion that good letters are to be had
by writing just as we talk. Mark Twain reminds us, "Spoken speech is one thing,
written speech is quite another. . . . The moment talk is put into print you
realize that it is not what it was when you heard it." Haven't you experienced the
bitter truth of these words when the letter you "talked" came off the typewriter?
The fact is that a good plain letter is no more colloquial than it is formal.
It is some of both. It is plain because common speech is its language ingredient.
Plain speech, however, must be put together pleasingly and with grammatical
accuracy. It must be factually correct with a mark of dignity suiting our Govern-
ment. Unfortunately, the average person's talk is not up to all of these standards.
A good plain letter takes a deal more planning and restraint than most of us use
in everyday talk.
From these truisms come five suggestions :
Study all new laws and rules that you will be called on to ex-
plain. If you are not sure of their meaning, ask somebody who
is. And don't wait until you get a letter on the subject. Be
ready.
Discuss new subjects with your fellow employees.
Learn the practical art of clearing up knotty problems with
examples. Do this by making up questions and answers in ad-
vance. You'll find the ready-made examples handy in writing
letters.
Harness common, everyday speech and put it to work in accurate
sentences that go well in writing.
Watch out for the rough edges of common speech, but don't avoid
it. Polish it.
Use short words, short sentences, and short paragraphs
Our everyday speech is full of little words. No matter how many big ones
we know, most of us talk most of the time with little ones. If we don't-if we
load our talk with big words-people are apt to say we are stuffy. People say the
same thing about letters loaded with big words. Yet, strangely enough, we find
it hard to show little words the same respect in our letters as in our speech. None
of us talks about his remuneration. It's plain pay. We wouldn't dream of
saying we are domiciled in nearby Virginia. We simply live there. But let us
begin dictating a letter and the big words rush in ahead of the little ones.
An error becomes an inadvertency. To issue is to promulgate. After is
subsequent. And believe it or not, perfectly good little words like lapse and
visit at times are stretched to lapsation and visitation Part IV of this book
has many other examples of big words that keep bobbing up in Government letters.
You can see for yourself how easily and naturally they are replaced with short,
meaningful synonyms.
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If it's good taste to talk with little words, isn't it also good taste to write let-
ters with them?
As short words make letters more talkable, short sentences make them more
readable.
Talk is not notable for short sentences. A speaker may run his sentences
together with conjunction after conjunction. He may interrupt their natural
flow with parenthetical remarks. He may do this without losing his listener for
only one reason : voice inflection.
Writers sometimes forget that their readers are not guided by voice inflection.
They try to say too much in one sentence. Then the reader, without a voice to
guide him, may have to read the sentence several times to get its meaning.
The most popular modern-day writing formulas recommend an average
sentence length of not more than 17 to 19 words. Such a strict formula is difficult
for most people to follow in writing short compositions like letters. With so few
sentences in a letter, several longer ones can easily cause the writer to overshoot
his mark; and a series of short ones may sound choppy unless the writer is skilled
in transition. Practical experience shows that sentences averaging 21 words are
a fair goal for most letterwriters.
Long paragraphs may not be as hard to understand as long involved sentences,
but they can be just as tiring. The very sight of them is forbidding. Actually
there is no need for lengthy paragraphs in letters, nor is there need for rules to
write short ones. All sentences in a paragraph should relate to a single idea, but
that does not mean all sentences related to one idea must be kept in one paragraph.
Try to break your paragraphs so that they average not more than 7 lines.
Your solution to this problem, if it is yours, will not come from counting the
syllables in words, the words in sentences, and the lines in paragraphs. That
takes time and helps only in recognizing the problem. A quicker way to recog-
nize the problem is to estimate the length of sentences and paragraphs by simply
looking over the page. Do many sentences run over two lines and few under?
Do the paragraphs look forbidding? Similarly, you can appraise your use of long
words by spotting the big ones. Do you know shorter, plainer words to use next
time?
Practice in the use of synonyms and other practices f'or shortness and sim-
plicity are the solution to the problem.
Finally, here are a few grains of salt for seasoning your diet of words and
sentences : A word that conveys a meaning better than any other should not be
cast aside just because it is big; and a good plain sentence that moves straight
ahead need not be frowned on because it is long.
Be compact. Don't separate closely related parts of sentences
You will remember that the grammar books say a verb is the key word of an
English sentence with the subject and object closely related to it. Words in the
sentence that make more exact the meaning of a verb or noun or object, or even
an entire statement, are called modifiers.
Single-word modifiers (adjectives and adverbs) cause trouble when they get
out of place in a sentence, changing the meaning:
He only came to the office on Tuesday. He came to the office only on Tuesday.
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The most troublesome modifiers, however, are groups of words known as
relative clauses, adverbial clauses, prepositional phrases, and so on. These group-
word modifiers should read easily and naturally, as in the following sentences :
In filling out your application, you overlooked question number 12.
We sent the papers to the address you gave in your letter of January 5,
but they were returned unclaimed.
When group-word modifiers are wordy, express several ideas, or are misplaced,
our letters become heavy, involved, or even humorous :
Heavy The Board, after careful consideration of all the facts
in the case, including the information submitted
in your letter of November 13, 1954, to the Honorable
reaffirmed its decision of September 3, 1954.
Involved An individual, or his estate in the event of death, may,
by application to this Commission within 90 days
following the date of the damage alleged to have
been sustained, or by June 30, 1953, whichever is
the later date, and by submitting such documen-
tary evidence as may be required by the Commission,
establish entitlement to reparation in an amount not
exceeding the amount of the fair market value of
the losses proved to have been sustained.
Humorous The list of essential occupations does not include workers
engaged in the extermination of rodents and predatory
animals except those in Government service.
Here are four ways to control those troublesome modifiers :
1. Boil them down, shortening the sentence as well as simplifying it.
Change clauses to phrases
Mr. Harris, who is the attorney for
the defendant, said he would appeal
to the higher court at once.
The Committee, which was estab-
lished to study Federal records
problems, meets the first Tuesday in
each month.
Please read the instructions on the
form carefully so that you will get
all the facts.
Mr. Harris, the defendant's
attorney, said he would appeal
to the higher court at once.
The Committee on Federal
records problems meets the
first Tuesday in each month.
Please read instructions on the
form carefully for all the facts.
Change clauses or phrases to single adjectives or adverbs
The question that is in doubt is
whether your company can perform
the production miracle in the time you
suggest.
The delay in answering your letter,
which is to be regretted, was not be-
cause of our lack of interest.
The doubtful question
whether your company can
perform the production miracle
in the time you suggest.
The regrettable delay in an-
swering your letter was not
caused by our lack of interest.
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He taught us some new methods that He taught us some new time-
save our time and that can be used saving methods, useful
throughout the Section. throughout the Section.
He spoke in a manner that w --s cour- He spoke courteously and
teous and appealing. appealingly.
Change long phrases to shorter ones
We were given two weeks for the com- We were given two weeks to
pletion of the report. complete the report.
You will lose your right to an annuity You will lose your right to an
by the withdrawal of your credits. annuity by withdrawing your
credits.
2. Keep the key verb near its subject and object or within easy read-
ing distance.
Instead of this
Applications from handicapped persons in the nearby cities were
also accepted.
close ranks like this
Applications were also accepted from handicapped persons in the
nearby cities.
and instead of this
The supervisor believed, as did members of his staff during the
rush season, that it was necessary to work overtime.
go straight forward like this
Like members of his staff, the supervisor believed that it was neces-
sary to work overtime during the rush season.
3. Don't try to say too much in one sentence.
Instead of this
When a disability annuitant recovers, his annuity is continued for a period
not exceeding one year, provided he is not reemployed by the Govern-
ment during this period, in order to give him an opportunity to find a
position.
make a new sentence out of the qualifying clause
When a disability annuitant recovers, his annuity is continued tempo-
rarily (not more than one year), to give him an opportunity to find a job.
If he is reemployed by the Government within the year, his annuity stops.
4. Keep an unmistakable kinship between the modifier and the
modified.
If a prepositional phrase, makes the kinship doubtful
Historians may be cheated of many valuable papers by hiding them in
file cabinets.
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cut out the preposition
Historians may be cheated of many valuable papers hidden in file
cabinets.
If the trouble comes from the position of the modifier
The enclosed booklet explains what the family should do when the
worker dies to collect insurance.
all the sentence needs is twisting around
The enclosed booklet explains what the family should do to collect
insurance when the worker dies.
Tie your thoughts together so your reader can follow you from one to
another without getting lost
Easy-to-read sentences do not make an easy-to-read paragraph unless the
sentences are connected. No matter how simple the sentences, the reader may have
a. rough time-he may even get left-if the connections are bad. Writers in-
stinctively recognize the need for tying thoughts together. The trouble comes
from the way they go about it. There are really only three ways to tie thoughts:
parallel construction, "echoes," and "guideposts."
With parallel construction the reader is prepared by one statement for what-
ever follows. The following sentences are then constructed in the same or a
similar way. A letter from our ambassador in London in 1857 gives an excellent
example of thought connections aided by parallel sentence structure :
Preparation The worse apprehensions are fast seizing upon the mer-
Similar
sentence
structure
chants. The Bank of England raised her interest on
discounts to 10 percent yesterday. Several heavy fail-
ures have been announced. . . . Not a ray of sunshine
breaks upon the gloom from any quarter as yet. Men
look as if they were beneath an impending avalanche
and scarcely dare to breathe.
Parallel constructions work well in letters of report. Other letters may appear
loosely woven if this technique is overworked.
Word echoes make transition easier for the average reader. An echo word
may be one repeated from the last sentence, a word (most often a pronoun) that
stands for a word or words in the last sentence, or words that suggest a relation-
ship to the last sentence. Watch how the echo words weave these sentences in
John Jay's letter to Rufus King in 1794:
"It" stands
for treaty.
"Draught"
suggests treaty.
"This" stands
for last state-
ment.
I send by the packet the fruit of my negotiation-
a treaty. I wish that I could go with it, as well that
I might again be in my own country, as that I might
answer questions on the subject. The draught
has undergone several editions, with successive
alterations, additions, etc. This shows that time
and trouble have not been spared. . . .
For conciseness, echo words that are clearly understood may be omitted, as in
the last of the following sentences :
She is entitled to an annuity beginning the first of the month after her
husband's death. It will be paid to her until she reaches age 50, remarries,
or dies. The rate (of her annuity) is one-half of her husband's annuity.
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When connection words appear at the end of a long sentence the reader is
kept suspended in midair :
Bad Your employer should refund to you the excess amount
connection withheld from your wages. If a statement fully explain-
ing the reason for the credit is attached to the next
quarterly tax return, Form 941, he may take credit for
the amount refunded to you.
Better Your employer should refund to you the excess amount
connections withheld from your wages. He may take credit on his
next quarterly return, Form 941, for the amount refunded
to you, provided he attaches a statement explaining the
credit.
Guideposts are also words. But unlike echo words they have no kinship to
the last thought when they stand alone. They are usually adverbs and conjunc-
tions that prepare the reader for the turn ;:he new thought will take. The most
common guideposts in letters are those that point to these turns: exceptions, cause
or effect (conclusions), time or place, and additions. Here are the signs they
give the reader:
EXCEPTIONS
Guideposts signifying an exception to what has just been said or implied:
The question was easy; however, (still, yet, but, even so, nevertheless)
none of us knew the answer.
CAUSE OR EFFECT
Guideposts putting the reader on notice that the new thought states the cause
or effect of what has just been said:
We found no Federal codes to govern these cases; thus (therefore,
consequently, hence, accordingly, so) the State laws alone must
decide them.
TIME OR PLACE
Guideposts telling the reader where he is in order of what has gone before :
The property was first appraised. Next (then, afterwards, subse-
quently, secondly) the question of ownership was settled.
ADDITIONS
Guideposts warning the reader that more is to be added to the thought in the
last sentence :
The letter is too long; besides (moreover, furthermore, what's more,
and, too) look at the misspelled words!
These examples are only a few of the many words in the English language that
act as guideposts. Despite the wide choice, the adverbs however and therefore
enjoy such a popularity with letterwriters that one would think them indispensable.
Some letterwriters even use these adverbs indiscriminately, beginning a new thought
with however when there is no exception to make; and reaching for therefore
when logic does not suggest cause, effect, or conclusion. See what happens :
The critics of the new system have been quick to see its disadvantages;
however, we should look for its bad points.
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The writer meant to add, not to except. His meaning would have been more
exact had he said We, too, should look for its bad points.
The omission of a guidepost can be as disconcerting as the use of a wrong one.
Add a guidepost to the second sentence of the following example and see how it
weaves the thoughts together :
Unrelated Throughout the month we operated with a 10-percent
reduction in personnel. There are only 25 unanswered
letters in this office today.
Related Throughout the month we operated with a 10-percent
reduction in personnel; even so, there are only 25 un-
answered letters in this office today.
Transition between paragraphs is achieved in much the same way as connec-
tions between thoughts. Friendly, informal letters may be well written without
paragraph transition. The paragraphs then stand alone like chapters in a book.
The letter exhibited on the next page is a striking example of a natural tech-
nique for tying together sentences and paragraphs. 'Connections cannot always
be made so easily, but you can write naturally and lead your reader straight ahead
if you will remember to do these things:
Keep words that echo your last thought near the beginning of
the new one.
When guideposts are needed, select those that convey your
exact meaning, being careful not to overwork however and
therefore.
FOR STRENGTH
Use concrete, specific words
The weak writer says :
It is believed you will be interested to know that the Commission which
was recently sent up to Alaska to look into the Alaskan Railroad matters
has just returned. A favorable report has been made by the engineer of
this Commission, whose background and experience qualifies him to ap-
praise the conditions on the road. He expressed the opinion that the
amount expended on the construction project appears to compare favor-
ably with similar undertakings. He further stated that it is his opinion
that provisions for the workers and facilities for safeguarding health were
better than normally is the case in similar projects. His report indicates
that instances of disease are infrequent, and there is no evidence that
intoxicating beverages are allowed in the immediate construction area.
The hospitals seem to be efficiently managed, and the compensation
plan is apparently satisfactory to the participants . . . .
Compare this letter with the one on the opposite page by Franklin K. Lane
who knew the power of words. What's wrong with what the weak writer says
about the Alaskan road? Why do you find Mr. Lane's letter more satisfying?
The difference is not so much in what the two writers have to say as in the
way they say it. The weak writer gives you a general idea of conditions on the
road, but Mr. Lane gives you an exact picture, etching it out with specific, con-
crete words. The weak writer deals in abstract nouns like experience and
opinion, and nonspecific words like disease. Mr. Lane chooses concrete, specific
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Washington, September 21, 1917
To Hon. Woodrow Wilson
The White House
My dear Mr. President:
It will interest you to know that the Commis-
sion which I sent up this year to Alaska to look
into the Alaskan Railroad matters has just returned. A word from the
The engineer of this Commission was Mr. Wendt, who first sentence
was formerly Chief Engineer of the Pittsburg and
Lake Erie Railroad, and who is now in charge of the
appraisal of eastern roads under the Interstate The pronoun stand-
Commerce Commission. H~teils me that our Alaskan ing for Mr. Wendt
road could not have been built for less money if
handled by a private concern; that he has never
seen any railroad camps where the men were provided The pronoun stand
with as good food and where there was such careg for men
taken of their health. The have had no smallpox
and but one case of typhoid fever. No liquor is
allowed on the line of the road. The roa in his A word repeated
judgment has followed the best possible location.
:::
l
an
'OLLr hospitals are well run. The compensation p
adopted for injuries is satisfactory to the men. Parallel
construction
I have directed that all possible speed be
made in connecting the Matanuska coal fields with ."'
Seward. This involves the heaviest construction Pronoun standing
that we will have to undert e **-* but by the for the last
middle of next year, no strikes intervening, and statement
transportation for supplies being available, this
part of the work will be done.
Faithfully and cordially yours,
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words like Mr. Wendt and smallpox. Instead of smothering his reader's per-
ception with a phrase such as seem to be efficiently managed he cuts through
the fog with the simple, meaningful phrase well run. He is not satisfied with
saying that cases of disease are infrequent. He specifies that there was only
one case of typhoid fever.
Abstract nouns name qualities, conditions, actions, or relations. If they were
not useful they would not be part of our language, but letterwriters frequently
use them when verbs or adjectives would be more forceful. For a simple example,
take the word pride. It loses none of the shining quality of words in the sentence:
Pride goeth before destruction. But say he is a man of pride, and the shine
dims. The adjective form is better: He is a proud man.
Take the overworked abstract noun opinion. That noun is robust enough
in a sentence like this one: Opinions on the efficiency of the new typewriter
vary sharply. Set opinion in this sentence, though, and it is less forceful: I am
of the opinion that the new typewriter is efficient. The verb form I believe
or I think is stronger.
It is foolish to believe that Government letters can be rid of any great number
of abstract nouns. Abstract nouns name too many of the subjects with which
we deal: ratings, eligibility, rehabilitation, systems, cooperation, labor,
management. You can name hundreds of them. In any event, many abstract
nouns have come to suggest a picture. Others are made more specific in context,
as efficiency of the new machine, on-the-job training, reckless speed.
Far more damaging to letters and much easier to replace than abstract nouns,
are generalities. A letter by its very nature lends itself to specific treatment.
It is intended for one person. It often deals with his problem alone. The reader
who has waited impatiently for his claim to be settled is not soothed by such a
general statement as This office is making every effort to handle claims
expeditiously.
There is no excuse for telling a man that his application must be filed
within 30 days of the date of his letter or within 90 days of the date of his
original application, whichever is later, when facts show that his time limit
is June 15 or some other specific date. And for the man whose claim is denied
you really cloud up your explanation of the denial by saying Denial of the
claim is premised upon the obvious proposition . .
If you don't know whether your reader is a household maid or a household
cook, domestic workers may be a handy term. If you do know, be specific. If
you are writing about 20 men who fail to prove their cases for 20 different reasons,
absence of satisfactory evidence, stuffy phrase though it is, may get by. But
if you are writing about one man, be specific. And if you are hard put to it for
something to say in acknowledging a "crackpot" suggestion, you may be forgiven
for saying your expression of opinion will receive consideration when the
occasion arises. But if you file away such a suggestion, you may be forgiven
for that, too.
Use more active verbs
Another way to strengthen your letters, and at the same time to shorten your
sentences, is to use fewer passive verbs and more active ones. The very word
passive suggests that too many verbs of this form weaken letters, while the word
active suggests that verbs of that form make them stronger. The following sen-
tence is written with both forms. Is there any question in your mind as to which
is the stronger?
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Active Passive
Fourscore and seven years ago our Fourscore and seven years ago a
fathers brought forth on this conti- new nation was brought forth on
nent a new nation . . . . this continent by our fathers . . . .
That, you may say, is unthinkable! Who would spoil the natural order of
Lincoln's immortal lines?
We may never write immortal sentences, but we can. do a thorough job of
spoiling the natural order of prosaic, every-day sentences like these:
Active Passive
Mr. Jones was at the meeting. The meeting was attended by Mr.
Jones.
In the X case, the Supreme Court In the X case, the decision of the
upheld the lower court's decision lower court that the defendant was
that the defendant was negligent. negligent was upheld by the
Supreme Court.
Don't get the idea that passive verbs are to be avoided like poor grammar.
Passive verbs are useful:
When the doer or the action is less important than the recipient
The defendant has three children. The oldest child is called John.
(Here, the recipient of the action, the oldest child, is more impor-
tant than the doer who may be they or he or the child's parents.)
When needed emphasis is gained by putting the name of the act
or of the doer at the end of the sentence
Divorce laws are enacted by the States. (Here, the passive voice
helps the writer emphasize that the laws are not Federal.)
When the doer is not known or may not be named
Much has been said for and against the Taft-Hartley Act.
Oftener than not, however, you may lapse into the passive voice thoughtlessly,
sapping strength from your sentences and adding to their length. Be especially
alert for sentences which make the doer or the action a "byproduct," or hide the
doer behind an impersonal passive. Were it not for the preposition by, that little
friend of the passive voice, and for impersonal passives, this topic would lose much
of its importance. Watch how they work:
Your constituent's letter was read by the Manager with interest. (See
how you make your manager a byproduct? Yet, he is the doer. Why
not say the manager read?)
It is believed that his profession is that of broker. (Why hide the doer
behind the impersonal passive it is believed? Why not say I believe or
we believe?)
Don't explain your answer befQre giving it. Give answers straightaway;
then explain if necessary
Suppose you ask a fellow worker, "What time is it?" Suppose the fellow
worker begins to tell you what make his watch is, how many jewels it has, and'why
it keeps accurate time. Finally, having exhausted the subject, he says, "It is now
11 o'clock."
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To yourself you might say, "Whew! That fellow is long winded! He takes
forever to get to the point!" On the other hand, if he tells you the time and
then tells you about his watch, you may find him not such a bore. He may say
as much in each instance, but in the second instance he does not keep you waiting
for the answer. He does not tax your patience.
By developing a letter this way you can tax your reader's patience just as
much as the office bore taxes yours:
This is in reference to your application for (you then mention the kind
of application)
Public Law--provides (you then quote or explain the law to show who
is eligible for what and in what amount)
And at last you say: In accordance with the above, your application
has been approved for payments in the amount of $----, effective -.
Begin your letter
Your application for -- has been approved. You will receive
(amount and kind of payment) beginning (date)
and your reader will be far more patient with whatever else need be said.
Don't hedge
By hedging, a letterwriter gives himself a loophole to escape from statements
that are slightly doubtful or not fully inclusive. Hedging is often legitimate.
Many letterwriters, though, hedge their statements as a .matter of habit rather
than for any legitimate reason. They habitually use such expressions as appar-
ently, normally, and ordinarily.
Hedged statements lose forcefulness. Besides, the reader may get the idea
the writer doesn't know what he's talking about:
Apparently, you failed to enclose the money order for $15 mentioned in
your letter of September 8.
Perhaps the writer of that sentence had some doubt as to whether the reader
actually did enclose the money order. In that case he might have turned the
statement to a sure fact: We did not receive the money order mentioned in
your letter of September 8. Did you forget to enclose it?
At worst, needless hedging leads to needless correspondence by raising need-
less
ti
i
h
'
ques
ons
n t
e reader
s mind:
The reader begins thinking of
reasons why his report is not
normal.
The report does or doesn't in-
clude this figure. Why hedge?
phrases like these:
In dictating letters, think twice
Normally, a good work progress
report shows both workloads and
man-hours. While your report shows
the total number of vouchers audited
during the quarter ended June 30,
1954, it does not appear to include
the total number of personnel on
duty during the same period.
before you weaken them with words and
Apparently
Ordinarily
As a rule
It appears
Usually
In most cases
Seemingly
As a usual case
In many instances
It seems
Generally
Seems to indicate
Normally
In general
Commonly
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FOR SINCERITY
The craftsman can't tell us how to make a letter ring with sincerity any
more than he can tell us how to be sincere. He can assume, and rightly so, that
Government letterwriters are genuine people eager to write letters reflecting the
Government's honest interest in public problems. And he can point to things
we do unwittingly that muffle the ring of sincerity.
Be human
In the first place the craftsman may tell us that we muffle the tone of our
sincerity by making our letters completely impersonal; that we talk about claim-
ants, applicants, veterans, and suppliers, when we might say you, he, she,
or Mr. Jones; that we say applicants for these positions must file applica-
tion by June 30, 1954, when we might say you must apply by June 30, 1954.
Having divested our reader of his personality, we remove ourselves from the
scene by avoiding the pronouns I and we as if we ourselves were not people. We
refer to ourselves as this Board, this agency, or this office! as if we were machines.
With both the reader and the writer out of the picture it is hard to make any letter
sound human.
If you want your sincerity to shine through your letters, write in human terms.
Use personal pronouns like you, he, she, we, I, our, my,, your, his, and hers.
Use the proper names of the people you write about, James Smith, Mr. Jones,
Mrs. Green. Use names that stand for human beings, child, father, mother,
son, daughter, wife, husband, and so on. Use words like these frequently,
whenever it is natural and fitting to do so.
Another robber of the personal touch is the impersonal passives (it is believed,
it is understood) discussed in the topic on active and passive verbs. Innocuous
though they seem, impersonal passives can chill the friendliest statements. Don't
hide behind them. Write in the active voice with I or we as subject or, as a last
resort,. make your agency the subject:
I believe
We understand
This Board recommends
Admit mistakes
Of all letterwriters the most misguided are those who believe mistakes can
be ignored, glossed over, or rectified by meaningless words. Perhaps they think
it would disillusion the reader to learn in plain words that his Government made
a mistake. Or perhaps they loose a smokescreen for the boss's benefit, believing
any boss would be unhappy facing the bare facts. Whatever the reason, the
result is likely to be a letter that sounds more machine-like than human-like.
Let us suppose that John M. Smith is notified of a shortage on his account,
which was actually a shortage on John N. Smith's account.. Discovering the error
the ignorer of mistakes writes John M :
Please disregard the notice forwarded to you on April 1, 1954. The records
of this office indicate that your account is in good order..
The trader in meaningless words says to John M :
It is the practice of this office to periodically review all. accounts for the
purpose of ascertaining their current status. From such a recent review,
it was discovered that you were notified on April 1, 1954, of an outstanding
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shortage on your account of $25, whereas the account is, in fact, in good
order.
It will be appreciated that the large volume of work with which this office
is confronted and the current personnel shortage, render it virtually im-
possible to completely eliminate small errors of this nature, particularly
those originating because of a similarity in names. This office wishes to
assure you, however, that every effort is being made to give ----the best
possible service and to prevent the recurrence of errors.
Any inconvenience which you may have been occasioned by reason of
the notice of April 1 from this office is sincerely regretted.
"Ignorers" and "glossers" and "traders in meaningless words"! There is no
reason why these terms should apply to any of us. We have only to remember
that the people to whom we write and the bosses for whom we write, like ourselves,
sometimes make mistakes. They are none the happier about mistakes that are
ignored, glossed over, or bolstered by meaningless words. They are more interested
in what we do about mistakes than in why we made them.
As a matter of practical psychology, the writer who admits mistakes in plain
language is surer of convincing others of his sincerity. Compare the following
letter with the ones above. Which would you prefer to receive? Which writer
would you feel more kindly toward?
We made a mistake in notifying you on April 1, 1954, that your account
was overdue $25. Our notice must have been confusing to you, because
you have always been prompt with your payments. The fact is that
your account is in good standing with no payment due until July 1, 1954.
Please accept our apology and our assurance that this office will be more
careful in the future.
Don't overwhelm your reader with intensives and emphatics
Words that intensify your meaning are not so effective in letters as you might
think. Intensives include adjectives and adverbs like highest, deepest, very
much, extremely, undoubtedly, and so on.
Say to the caller at your desk, "The Administrator was extremely pleased to
get your letter," and the caller himself is pleased. Say the same thing in a letter
and extremely may lose its effect. The reader may get the idea you are putting
it on pretty thick. Instead of convincing him of your sincerity, as you would wish,
you may leave him in doubt.
Similar to intensives in effect on the tone of a letter are emphatics which call
special attention to a statement. Emphatics overworked in Government letters
include it is to be noted, we would like to point out, an important considera-
tion is, as a well known fact, and we call your attention to the fact. An
occasional well chosen emphatic, like an occasional intensive, will have the desired
effect. But useless emphatics give the reader the impression we are laboring to
put our facts across. They may even lead him to believe we are trying to convince
ourselves.
Instead of using a trite emphatic, rephrase the sentence to place the emphasis
on the important words:
We call your attention to the fact that you To meet the deadline, you
must have your report in this office by June must get your report to
30 to meet the deadline. this office by June 30.
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Do not be obsequious or arrogant. Strive to express yourself in a friendly
way and with a simple dignity befitting the United States Government
This is a rule for letter tone. It may not be the rule for the tone fitting an
advertising letter or a sales letter or a letter to the folks back home. It is a special
rule for the tone of a Government letter.
Tone-deaf writers turn out arrogant letters, chilling even the friendliest reader
with their "we-are-smarter-than-you" overtones. Bending too far in the other
direction, they grovel before their reader, whining obsequity in every line they
write.
Fortunately, few letterwriters are tone deaf. Most people detect the harsh
sound of words like dissonant music. They are far too sensitive to the dignity of
Government to fumble their performance with obsequious overtures. Unfortu-
nately, however, any letterwriter can get off-pitch, unintentionally offending
the reader or simply displaying poor taste.
Off-pitch tone As we told you in our last letter, this agency has no
suggesting jurisdiction over tax matters.
arrogance We are at a loss to understand why you directed this
letter to us.
It should be clear from reading the application that
you must have two persons, not just one, witness your
signature. We assume that you are aware of the fact
that the witnesses must be persons not related to you
by blood or marriage.
We suggest that you acquaint yourself with all the
facts in your case before writing this agency again.
Off-pitch tone It is a real pleasure to be of service to you. We do
suggesting 'hope you will write us whenever you have occasion
obsequity to do so.
This agency is anxious to be helpful in any way possible.
If we can be of further service to you, please do not
hesitate to call on us.
Please call on this office whenever we can be of assist-
ance to you. We stand ready to help you in every
possible way.
The off-pitch tones of the above sentences vary in intensity. Some of the dis-
turbing tones are easily detected; others suggest "taste" more than "tone." The
sound of a letter is pleasing if it is simple, dignified, and friendly. Here are four
suggestions for improving letter tone:
1. Don't appear to argue by point blank statements that the
reader is wrong, misunderstands, or has not made himself clear.
For example, don't say you are apparently under the mis-
apprehension that the Federal Government makes old-age
assistance payments directly to individuals. In practice,
this kind of misunderstanding is answered with enough informa-
tion to explain how the program really works. Avoiding implied
criticism or condescension, the kind of reply actually used is
simple and affirmative :
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You are right in thinking that the Federal Government is concerned in
old-age assistance. But it does not make payments directly to individuals.
That is the responsibility of the State Government. The Federal Govern-
ment helps the State by paying part of the cost. The State uses both this
Federal contribution and its own money to provide old-age assistance
payments for those entitled to this aid under the State's assistance law.
2. Don't make high-handed statements that appear to tell the
reader to "shut up." Don't say with scathing aloofness this office
has no jurisdiction over whatever the reader is interested in.
If you knuw who has so-called jurisdiction, tell your reader. If
you don't, tell him you are sorry you can't help.
3. Don't get the idea that every letter needs a finishing touch,
such as please let me know if I can be of further assistance.
For what purpose other than serving the public do we hold our
jobs? Let the genuine quality of your service make its own
pleasant speech. Write a prompt, pleasant, efficient letter, and
the sincerity of your purpose will sound through every line.
Write a tardy, toneless, muddled letter, and perhaps the reader
does need to be reassured, but mere words are not convincing.
4. Don't gush with superlatives, indulge in slang, or trade in
trick phrases. Tricks for attracting attention, useful enough in
advertising and sales writing, strike a false note in Government
letters. Key the tone of your letter to simple dignity.
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BEFORE
This is how one letter read before
the writer started applying the 4-S
formula.
Reference is made to your letter of June 25, 1954, relative
to a 1953 income tax refund check drawn in favor of John --------
Inasmuch as Mr. -----.filed a 1953 Form 1040 with this of-
fice as a single person with no dependents and the refund check
was therefore correctly drawn in like manner, it appears the al-
leged Mrs. ----- has no interest in same. This return was filed
with the assistance of the Legal Office, Camp ----, -------
It is suggested the enclosed Form 6570 be forwarded to the
authorities at ---- ------ with a statement of fact and request
for their assistance in obtaining a power of attorney for Mrs.
-----.relative to negotiation of the check.
If a joint amended return should be filed by Mr. and Mrs.
----- in accordance with the community property laws of the state
of -------, the refund check should be returned for cancellation
with the amended return, Any overpayment determined would then
be certified for refund in joint account and the interest to the
check would be joint and several. A joint return must be filed
and signed by both parties.
AFTER
..............:....:..............................................:............................
............................................................................................................
This is how the letter read when the
same employee stripped it down to
essential facts in plain English.
The 1953 income tax return of John ------- was filed as the
return of a single person with no dependents. We cannot, there-
fore, make his refund check payable to any other person.
If Mrs, ----- will have the enclosed power of attorney,
Form 6570, completed by her husband, she will then be able to
cash the refund check.
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THE MAIL MUST GO OUT!
How can you practice the 4-S formula without slowing down the mail? That
is a fair question from any letterwriter. Certainly, you cannot spend your time
rewriting passable letters while the backlog grows. The mail must go outl But
while passable letters are passed you can ready yourself for better letters next time:
Review your letters critically. Before you release a dictated
letter, appraise it by the 4-S formula.
Periodically, for a short time, have an extra copy made of your
dictated letters. Note the copies with the 4-S rules that will
improve your writing.
Before dictating, think your letters through. If need be, keep
before you the rules you need to apply.
Listen to your sentences as you dictate them. Do they sound
natural, as you would talk in a careful manner? Are you trying
to say too much in a single sentence?
Think less about trying to write up and down to the level of a
reader's understanding. The craftsman who suggests "visu-
alizing" the reader sets a well-nigh impossible task for letter
ghostwriters. Think more about writing all your letters in
simple, straightaway English. The letters will then be appro-
priate for readers at any level of understanding.
Make letterwriting a teamwork between yourself and your
stenographers or typists. Don't rely on them to rewrite your
bad letters, but encourage them to make suggestions and correct
obvious errors.
Read thoughtfully every good letter that comes your way, no
matter who wrote it.
Above all, know the subjects you write about. Know them so
well you can discuss them easily and surely.
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Plain letters are an American heritage. They come to us from statesmen
and soldiers whose names we know so well, and from men and women whose names
we never heard. In histories and biographies, in archives and file rooms, they are
to be found: evidence of good plain letters in the best American tradition, from a
struggling Continental Congress to our own atomic era.
It is impossible in one short book to bring you more than a few examples of
these letters. The ones selected will exemplify not only the practical art of letter-
writing but also the six common purposes of Government letters. These purposes are :
To ask for information, evidence, or action
To answer inquiries
To report
To acknowledge comments, suggestions, and opinions
To transact ordinary business
To amend or adjust
ASKING LETTERS
The following little asking letter from President Lincoln to the Secretary of
War may cause us to wonder why we can't be more informal. in writing one another
in the Federal service :
It is a question whether we shall accept the troops under the call of
Governor Curtin for 9-months men and 12-months men. I understand you
say it rests with me under the law. Perhaps it does; but I do not wish to
decide it without your concurrence. What say you? If we do not take
them after what has happened, we shall fail perhaps to get any on other
terms from Pennsylvania.'
Asking letters have a twofold duty: (1) to state what is wanted, and (2) unless
the reason is obvious, to tell why. An asking letter that is clear and courteous-
and, if need be, persuasive-is surer of getting results.
Whether an asking letter-should begin with what or with why depends both
on the subject matter and the letterwriter's ingenuity. When the reason is im-
pelling, the reader is better prepared and perhaps more receptive if the reason is
stated first. Sometimes, as in the following letter signed. by President Franklin
D. Roosevelt, the request is suggested at the beginning but is actually drawn as
a conclusion:
Suggests Following the submission of the Baruch rubber report
what to me in September, I asked that mileage rationing be
extended throughout the nation. Certain printing and
transportation problems made it necessary to delay the
program until December first.
Why With every day that passes, our need for this rubber
conservation measure grows more acute. It is the
Army's need and the Navy's need. They must have
rubber. We, as civilians, must conserve our tires.
The Baruch Committee said: "We find the existing
situation to be so dangerous that unless corrective
measures are taken immediately this country will face
1 New Letters and Papers of Lincoln. compiled by Paul M. Angle (Houghton Mifflin, 1930).
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rubber we are a have-not Nation."
Why Since then the situation has become more acute, not less.
Since then our military requirements for rubber have
become greater, not smaller. Since then many tons of
precious rubber have been lost through driving not essen-
tial to the war effort. We must keep every pound we
can on our wheels to maintain our wartime transportation
system.
What: the We must do everything in our power to see that the
conclusion program starts December first because victory must
not be delayed through failure to support our fighting
forces.'
The following letter addressed to his fellow workers by Mr. H. V. Higley,
Administrator of Veterans Affairs, exemplifies the use of simple human words in
letters of persuasion :
Our business is people. The VA exists only to help people who have
helped their country, and those dependent on these veterans. In our
relations with these human beings who come to us for help we must act,
speak, and write with the human touch. Too often we are not doing
this in preparing letters to claimants. And yet most of our contacts with
people are through the written word.
When we use cold, stiff, formal language we give the impression that we
are dealing with a "case," and not an individual who sought our help.
Recently such a letter to a veteran's widow was sent to my office for
signature. It was curt to the point of being brusque. I could not sign
such a letter. It was returned to be written in simple human language.
I fear that every day too many letters like that one-cold and imper-
sonal-go out to the people we are here to help if we can.
We deal in service and the VA has a place only for employees who can
give service with patience, sympathy, and understanding.
I know from contact with employees that they have a genuine interest
in serving veterans. In order that veterans may understand how we in the
VA feel about them, it is important that we write to them with the same
warm cordiality with which we meet those who visit us to discuss their
business.
I want each of you, wherever you may be in our organization, to strive
toward this end. You may be assured of my continued personal interest
in how well we humanize our relations with veterans and their dependents.
REPLY LETTERS
The Social Security Administration contributes this reply letter from its files
of recent years :
I regret that pressure of work has delayed my answer to your letter of
March 21st. And I am genuinely sorry that I cannot be of more practical
'The Public Papers and Addresses of Franklin D. Roosevelt, compiled by Samuel I. Rosenman (Harper & Brothers 1942).
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help in solving the financial difficulties that you an your wile are
Rising living costs are certainly a problem, and I know they fall most
heavily on those who, like you, must live on a modest fixed income. It
is small comfort, too, to point out that you would be even worse off if
social security benefits had not been increased last fall. As you probably
know, Congress is not now considering further social security amend-
ments so that there is little prospect of further increases in the near future.
And though stabilizing prices is a matter of grave concern to the President
and the Government, we all realize how hard it is for incomes to catch up
with expenses.
In spite of all this, I do want to make one suggestion which might lead to
something. If you have not already done so, get in touch with your local
public welfare office or write to the State Department of Welfare in
Indianapolis. I make this suggestion with the thought not so much that
you might qualify for old age assistance as that there may be other sources
of help in your community. . . . The people in your vocal welfare
office also know about private agencies that might offer help of one kind
or another. This possibility is at least worth investigating.
Let me say again that I sympathize with the problem you, and others like
you, are facing.
And here is a modern-day letter exemplifying the art of replying "no"
You make me feel very much at home in Pittsburgh. I like the people I
meet there; and I am enthusiastic about the job you are doing. But
I would be showing rank favoritism if I were to move to go out there to
start off your Institute. I have to catch up with my obligations in other
parts of the country. I am, of course, flattered that you asked me to
come.
Thanks for sending me your talk on housing and recreation. It was a
good piece, and I think the way you are working it out in Pittsburgh is
excellent.
The following businesslike letter gave a straightaway answer to a question
about the status of an insurance account :
Premiums on your $5,000 ordinary life insurance policy are paid through
March 31, 1950. Your account is therefore in order, and your insurance
will remain in force as long as you pay your premiums on time. Your
next quarterly premium of $26.95 is due April 1, 1950.
Law, like any other subject, can be explained with a clarity that makes the
letter easy to read and understand. Note how clearly Thomas Jefferson explains
the law in this paragraph from his businesslike reply to Albert Gallatin :
Our laws permit a foreigner 'to hold any property in our country, except
lands. A foreigner may contract for a ship to be built for him, so that she
will be his from the time of laying the keel; or he may contract so that
she shall be his only when launched, or when rigged, etc. The act of
delivery to him or his agent fixes, in that case, the moment she becomes
his property. . . .'
I The Writings of Thomas Jefferson, vol. xiii (Jefferson Memorial Association, 1904)
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Few of us will be called on to write letters grappling directly with the problems
of world leaders. But even the writer of letters on commonpiacf subjects can profit
by studying the style of these men. In this letter written in 1915 by Walter H. Page
to Edward M. House note how neatly Mr. Page refers to the letter he answers:
The sinking of the Arabic is the answer to the President and to your
letter to me. And there'll be more such answers. You said to me one
day after you had got back from your last visit to Berlin: "They are
impossible." I think you told the truth, and surely you know your
German and you know your Berlin-or you did know them when you
were here.
The question is not what we have done for the Allies, not what any other
neutral country has done or has failed to do-such comparisons, I think,
are far from the point. The question is when the right moment arrives
for us to save our self-respect, our honour, and the esteem and fear (or
the contempt) in which the world will hold us.
Berlin has the Napoleonic disease. If you follow Napoleon's career-his
excuses, his evasions, his inventions, the wild French enthusiasm and
how he kept it up--you will find an exact parallel. That becomes
plainer every day. Europe may not be wholly at peace in five years-
may he ten.'
REPORT BY LETTER
On concluding the treaty with England in 1794, John Jay reported to Rufus
King in words simple and sincere:
I send by the packet the fruit of my negotiation--a treaty. I wish that
I could go with it, as well that I might again be in my own country, as
that I might answer questions on the subject. The draught has undergone
several editions, with successive alterations, additions, etc. This shows
that time and trouble have not been spared.
I have just finished a hasty letter to Mr. Randolph. It will be thought
slovenly, but I cannot help it. The packet must go. If I entirely escape
censure, I shall be agreeably disappointed. Should the treaty prove, as
I believe it will, beneficial to our country, justice will finally be done.
If not, be it so--my mind is at ease. . . .5
A report letter should be direct, forward moving, and as interesting as the
writer can make it. In 1857 Ambassador Dallas wrote the Secretary of State that
there was little to report. He nevertheless holds the reader's interest by making
the most of his topic:
The worst apprehensions are fast seizing upon the merchants. The Bank
of England raised her interest on discounts to 10 percent yesterday.
Several heavy failures have been announced, among them the great firm
of Dennistoun, of Glasgow; and others are hourly expected. Not a ray
of sunshine breaks upon the gloom from any quarter as yet. Men look as
if they were beneath an impending avalanche and scarcely dare to breathe.
The Life and Letters of Walter H. Page. Burton J. Hendrick (Doubleday. Page, 1925).
The Life and Writings of John Jay, vol. iii (J & J Harper, 1833).
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I will not trust to paper, but whose deep anxieties are manifest. . . .
I have written only because of my wish to send you a line by every leading
steamer, for I really am left by the extreme dullness of the times without
topics for letters.6
VOICE OF THE PEOPLE
The letters in this category are actually answers, but of such a distinct character
that a separate classification seemed appropriate. They acknowledge letters which
offer comments, suggestions, or opinions : the voice of the people. There are no
more important letters in American Government than those in this category.
Of them, Thomas Jefferson had this to say in a letter to a Committee of the
Merchants of New Haven :
I have received the remonstrance you were pleased to address to me on
the appointment of Samuel Bishop to the office of collector of New Haven
.... The right of our fellow citizens to represent to the public functionaries
their opinion on proceedings interesting to them, is unquestionably a
constitutional right, often useful, sometimes necessary, and will always
be respectfully acknowledged by me.7
With this letter President Theodore Roosevelt acknowledged the voice of a
"good, straight American."
I like your letter because you are what I hope I am too-a good, straight
American. If any Christian was being oppressed and you had power to
stop it, I know you would stop it just exactly as quick as if he was a Jew:
and I would be ashamed of myself, under reverse circumstances, if I did
not act in the same way. And, my dear fellow, neither you nor I are of
the type that patronizes anybody! 8
In acknowledging a voice, Federal Trade Commissioner Lowell B. Mason
wrote this refreshing letter a few years ago:
Thank you for your letter of June 18 stating the reasons for maintaining
the present status of Section 2 (c) of the Robinson-Patman Act.
They are the usual arguments in favor of this law, but you have expressed
them so well, so carefully and in such an open and friendly manner that I
confess not only admiration for your presentation, but complete agreement
with many of your points.
There is, however, more to the problem than either you or I have covered.
With your leave, I shall search out in a later note some of the pros and cons
of this most interesting subject which we might consider together.
June has been a heavy month for me, so I expect to take a short vacation,
what Walt Whitman described as the "white spaces in life." You will
hear from me the latter part of July.
Letters from children come to us as the voice of young America. Through
our simple acknowledgments we can play a small part in helping children become
Letters from London, Dallas (J. B. Lippincott & Co., 1869).
Memoir Correspondence. Etc., of Jefferson, Randolph, vol. iii (Charlottesville, 1829).
The Letters of Theodore Roosevelt, vol. iii edited by Elting E. Morison (Harvard University Press, 1951).
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good citizens. The tone for a child's letter may be captured from this one by
Abraham Lincoln :
Your friend, Leroy C. Driggs, tells me you are a very earnest friend of
mine, for which please allow me to thank you. You and those of your age
are to take charge of this country when we older ones shall have gone;
and I am glad to learn that you already take so lively an interest in what
just now so deeply concerns us.9
ORDINARY BUSINESS
These are the letters written by hundreds of Government offices throughout
the country in the course of their ordinary business transactions.
There is, for instance, the letter about a job application. In this cordial and
helpful le;:ter from the files of today the writer shows the alertness of a "talent
scout":
Before completing his assignment as Acting Director of , Dr.
called my attention to your letter of September 1 on the release of
Policy No. 7
Both Dr. and I were impressed not only with your qualifications
but also with your earnest wish to be of greater service to your country
and mankind. As your interests are primarily in the area of , I took
the liberty of discussing your availability with Mr. , Personnel
Officer of Administration. At Mr. - suggestion I referred
your letter and its attachments to him in Room 118, Building,
-, Washington, D. C.
I trust that the - Administration can take advantage of your ex-
perience and enthusiasm.
Hundreds of thousands of letters each year are written as notices of the ap-
proval or disapproval of applications and claims. These letters are most effective
when brief and businesslike, as this one was:
We have approved your application for a loan on your $5,000 ordinary
life policy, effective June 1, 1952. A check for the amount of the loan,
$200, will be sent to you by the Treasury Department.
Note that the above letter does not start with reference is made to your
application. That introduction is entirely superfluous, as it would be in the
following letter:
Your application for reinstatement of your $10,000 level premium term
National Service Life Insurance has been approved with premiums paid
through ---. There is an unapplied cred+* --' - on your account
which you may deduct from a future premium payment.
Note the directness of this form letter about an ordinary tax transaction:
The credit you claimed fdr excess social security deductions on your income
tax return has been disallowed since you had only one employer during
the year. Only those excess deductions which result from having two or
more employers are allowed as a credit on an income tax return.
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Your employer should refund to you the excess amount withheld from your
wages. He may take credit on his next quarterly return, Form 941, for
the amount refunded to you, provided he attaches a statement fully
explaining the credit.
You can receive any additional assistance you may need from the nearest
branch or headquarters office of the District Director of Internal Revenue.
You will find the locations of our branch offices on the reverse of this
letter.
SETTING THE RECORD STRAIGHT
Letters are used in a number of ways to set the record straight. In one way
or another this means amending or adjusting.
"Pouring oil on troubled waters" is the way of making amends to those we
sometimes unwittingly offend. To allay General Meade's surprise and vexation
at Lincoln's show of disappointment when General Robert E. Lee's Army escaped,
Major General Halleck offered these words of reassurance:
I take this method of writing you a few words which I could not well
communicate in any other way. Your fight at Gettysburg met with
universal approbation of all military men here. You handled your troops
in that battle as well, if not better, than any general has handled his
army during the war. You brought all your forces into action at the
right time and place, which no commander of the Army of the Potomac
has done before. You may well be proud of that battle. The President's
order of proclamation of July 4th showed how much he appreciated your
success.
And now a few words in regard to subsequent events. You should not
have been surprised or vexed at the President's disappointment at the
escape of Lee's army. He had examined into all the details of sending
you reinforcements to satisfy himself that every man who could possibly
be spared from other places had been sent to your army. He thought
that Lee's defeat was so certain that he felt no little impatience at his
unexpected escape. I have no doubt, General, that you felt the dis-
appointment as keenly as any one else. Such things sometimes occur to
us without any fault of our own. Take it altogether, your short cam-
paign has proved your superior generalship, and you merit, as you will
receive, the confidence of the Government and the gratitude of the
country. I need not assure you, General, that I have lost none of the
confidence which I felt in you when I recommended you for the command.'?
Then there are the mistakes, as inevitable as they are human, for which
letters offer apology or make amends. From the files of today come these two
garden-variety letters on subjects common to all agencies:
I am very sorry indeed that you were sent five copies of a bulletin on
when you requested copies of our mimeographed report on
Copies of the latter report were distributed to State officials
only and the supply has been completely exhausted. Thinking, however,
lU The Life and Letters of General George Gordon Meade, vol. ii (Charles Scribner's Sons, 1913)'.
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that you probably have immediate use for this material, I am glad to
lend you our office copy.
We are sorry to learn from your letter of November 13 that the volume
for Mrs. ---- was sent to her express collect.
Your records are indeed accurate, and your account shows you have a
balance of $2.78 still available for the payment of shipping charges. We
are at a loss to explain why book post was not used. In explanation of
our failure to use this method, we can only plead the great volume of
interlibrary loans handled by the section. If you will let us know the
amount of the express fee, you will be promptly reimbursed for the charge.
We trust there will be no recurrence of such an unfortunate incident.
And once again let us turn to the letters of Abraham Lincoln; this time for
an example of the simple graciousness of saying "You were right-I was wrong" :
WASHINGTON, JULY 13, 1863.
MAJOR GENERAL GRANT.
My Dear General: I do not remember that you and I ever met per-
sonally. I write this now as a grateful acknowledgment for the almost
inestimable service you have done the country. I wish to say a word
further. When you first reached the vicinity of Vicksburg, I thought
you should do what you finally did-march the troops across the neck,
run the batteries with the transports, and thus go below; and I never had
any faith, except a general hope that you knew better than I, that the
Yazoo Pass expedition and the like could succeed. When you got below
and took Port Gibson, Grand Gulf, and vicinity, I thought you should go
down the river and join General Banks, and when you turned northward,
east of the Big Black, I feared it was a mistake. I now wish to make the
personal acknowledgement that you were right and I was wrong."
Yours very truly,
A. LINCOLN.
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IV. THE WATCHLIST
Watch for the words and phrases on this list.
Some of them are overworked. Others are used
incorrectly. Many are longer than need be.
ABEYANCE. Held in abeyance is a pompous
phrase. Wait and postpone action are
more natural expressions.
ABOUT. He will arrive at about nine
o'clock is not a correct sentence. Use at
or about, but not both.
ABOVE should not be used in the sense of
more than. His wages are more than
(not above) $5,000 a year.
ACCOMPANIED BY. The preposition with is
usually better, as his letter with (in-
stead of accompanied by) the applica-
tion.
ACCOMPLISHED may be expressed as done.
ACCUMULATE. Gather is a good plain word
to replace this one.
ACQUAINT. Instead of acquainting your
readers with facts, tell or inform them.
ADDITIONAL. Vary the use of this over-
worked adjective. Use added.
ADVISE. Tell, inform, and say are fresher
words for letters. You are advised is a
useless phrase in any letter.
AFFECT, EFFECT. Affect is always a verb
meaning to modify or influence. Effect
may be noun or verb. As a verb it
means to accomplish or bring about; as a
noun, outcome or result. Both affect and
effect are overworked, correctly and in-
correctly.
AFFORD AN OPPORTUNLTY. Allow is sug-
gested as a replacement for this overworked
phrase.
ALL-AROUND is not correct. Use all-round.
ALL OF. Say all the workers, not all of
the workers.
ALL READY, ALREADY. The first is an ad-
jective phrase, correctly used in this sen-
te:ice: When the hour came, they were
all ready. The second is an adverb that
oftener than not should be omitted: We
have (already) written a letter.
ALTERNATIVE, CHOICE. Alternative refers
to two only-, choice, to two or more. Since
there is only one alternative to another,
don't say the only other alternative;
simply say the alternative.
AMELIORATE. Why is this big word so popu-
lar? It's a good word, but so is the com-
moner word improve.
AMOUNT, NUMBER are often used loosely.
An amount is a sum total; number, as a
noun, refers to collective units. You have
an amount of money, and a number of
errors.
ANTICIPATE means to foresee or prevent by
prior action. Don't use it when you
actually mean expect.
ANXIOUS is proper only when anxiety ac-
tually exists. We are eager to write good
letters, not anxious.
ANY. Don't follow superlatives with any,
as Lincoln's letters are the best of any.
When used in a comparative statement,
any must be followed by other, as that
letter is better than any other he has
written.
ANY PLACE is not. good usage. Say any-
where.
APPEAR. A woman appears to be young,
but she seems to be intelligent. Appear
usually suggests that which is visible.
APPRECIATE YOUR INFORMING Us is a
clumsy phrase that can be replaced with
a simpler one, as please write us or please
tell us.
APPROXIMATELY is overworked. Why not
say about?
APPARENTLY. This is a "hedger" to be
avoided.
APT. Don't use this word when you mean
likely. Apt suggests predisposition. A
tactless person is apt to write a blunt
letter, but delayed replies are likely
(not apt) to damage public relations.
AROUND. Around ten dollars is incorrect.
Say about ten dollars.
ASCERTAIN is a big word often used when
the little word learn is better. Don't use
ascertain unless you want to put over
the idea of effort: in getting facts.
ASSISTANCE. Let's have more help and
aid, and less assistance.
AT-
-ALL TIMES. Say always.
-THIS TIME. Say now.
-THE PRESENT TIME. Say now.
-AN EARLY DATE. Won't soon do?
-YOUR EARLIEST CONVENIENCE. Do
you mean. this? A convenient time
may not come.
-THE EARLIEST POSSIBLE MOMENT.
This may be the moment the letter
arrives.
ATTACHED-
-PLEASE FIND Worn out letter Ian-
-HERETO guage. Attached is
-HEREWITH adequate.
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ATTENTION IS INVITED or ATTENTION IS
CALLED should be needless. If a sentence
doesn't make its point without these em-
phatics it needs rewriting.
BALANCE. You may have a balance on an
account, but that which is left after some-
thing is taken away is a remainder, as
the remainder of the year, the remain-
der of the office force.
BASIS. Instead of saying as a basis for,
simply say for.
BE BACK in the sense of return is not pref-
erable. Say, he will return to (not
be back in) the office Tuesday.
BETWEEN, AMONG. Between properly re-
refers to two only. Among is used in
referring to more than two.
BIANNUAL, BIENNIAL. Biannual, like semi-
annual, means twice a year. Biennial
means every two years.
BIMONTHLY means every two months. Semi-
monthly is used to express twice monthly.
CLAIM. Do not use claim as an intransitive
verb. Claim ownership, but don't claim
to be efficient.
COGNIZANCE. Avoid this big word both in
its legal meaning of jurisdiction and in its
common meaning of heed or notice.
Instead of saying under the cognizance
of this office, be specific, as this office
does not audit travel vouchers. Instead
of saying having cognizance of this
fact, say aware of this fact.
COMMENCE. Begin or start are stout little
words that should not be forgotten.
COMMITMENT. How about promise?
COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATION. Avoid
these long words by being specific. In-
stead of communicate, use write, wire,
or telephone. Instead of communica-
tion, use letter, telegram, memoran-
dum.
COMPLIANCE, COMPLIES. The phrase in
compliance with your request is too
formal for a friendly letter. It is often
not necessary, but, if needed, may be
replaced with as you requested. Meets
the requirements is a good substitute
for complies with requirements.
CONCLUDE. It is better to close a letter
than to conclude it.
CONTRIBUTE. What's wrong with give?
CONSIDER. Omit the superfluous as after
this word. We consider the case closed
(not as closed).
CONSIDERED OPINION. Forget this one.
CONSIDERABLE. Use this word only as an
adjective.
CONSUMMATE. You really like big words if
you use this one in the sense of complete
or bring about.
CONTINUOUSLY, CONTINUALSLY. The first
word means without interruption; the
second, intermittently, at frequent-
in tervals.
DATE. Instead of this date, say today.
Instead of under date of, say on of, or
dated.
DEMONSTRATES. Shows is a good plain
word to substitute for this one.
DESIRE. If you wish or if you want is
usually better than if you desire.
DETERMINE. Overworked. Decide or find
out may be substituted.
DEVELOP. Don't use this word for happen,
occur, take place.
DIFFERENT is superfluous in this sentence:
Six (different) plans were discussed at
the meeting.
DUE TO THE FACT THAT is a roundabout way
of saying because.
DURING suggests continuously, throughout.
In (not during) the meeting he-
brought up the question of pay raises.
EARLIEST PRACTICABLE DATE. What is a
practicable date?
EFFECT, AFFECT. See AFFECT.
EFFECTUATE. A pompous way of saying to
bring about.
EMPLOYED is overworked in the sense of used.
EMPLOYMENT. Jobs and work have equal
dignity.
ENCLOSED-
-HEREWITH Enclosed is suf-
-PLEASE FIND ficient.
-WITH THIS LETTER
ENCOUNTER DIFFICULTY is an unnecessary
euphemism for find it hard, or have
trouble. Instead of saying call on our
local office if you encounter difficulty
in completing your application, why
not say call on our local office if you
need help etc.? Or, if difficulty must
be your word, why not replace encounter
with meet?
ENDEAVOR TO ASCERTAIN, high-sounding
phrase though it is, simply means try to
find out.
EQUIVALENT is seldom better than equal.
EVENT is not to be used for incident, affair,
and happening, unless the occurrence is
particularly noteworthy.
EXERCISE CARE is a stuffy way of saying
please be careful.
EXPIRATION. End is just as final.
EXPEDITE is a popular Government word.
Can't we say hasten or hurry? Do you
know that the Latin from which expedite
derives means "to free one caught by the
foot"?
EXPERIENCE HAS INDICATED THAT. Try we
(I) learned.
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FACILITATE is another popular Government
word. It means make easy, but it makes
hard reading for some people.
FARTHER, FURTHER. Farther indicates dis-
tance; further denotes quantity or degree.
You go farther away; you hear nothing
further.
FAVOR. Does anybody nowadays use favor
in the sense of a letter? Don't. It's old
fashioned.
FEW, LESS. Few is for numbers; less is for
quantities or amounts. Write fewer
pages and say less.
FIRST is both an adjective and an adverb.
Don't say firstly.
FOLLOWING. He retired after (not follow-
ing) an outstanding career..
FINALIZE, FINALIZATION. These are manu-
factured words. Why manufacture such
words when you have end, conclude, and
complete?
FOR-
-YOUR INFORMATION. Superfluous.
-THE MONTH OF JULY. For July.
-THE REASON THAT. Since, because,
as.
FORWARD is often used when send is better
FULLEST POSSIBLE EXTENT. A meaningless
padding.
FURNISH is often used when give is better.
Please give (not furnish) us the infor-
mation.
FURTHER. See FARTHER.
IF-
-DOUBT IS ENTERTAINED. Say if
doubtful.
-IT Is DEEMED SATISFACTORY. Say if
satisfactory.
IMPLEMENT. Say carry out.
IN-
-COMPLIANCE WITH YOUR REQUEST.
Say as requested.
-ADDITION To. Say besides.
-A SATISFACTORY MANNER. Say
satisfactorily.
-THE NEAR FUTURE. Say soon.
-THE EVENT THAT. Say if.
-THE AMOUNT OF. Say for.
-THE MEANTIME. Say meantime or
meanwhile.
-ORDER To. Say to.
-REGARD To. Say about.
-VIEW OF THE FACT THAT. Say as.
-A POSITION To. Say we cannot
rather than we are not in a posi-
tion to.
INADVERTENCY. Errors and mistakes are
not glossed over by this euphemism.
INASMUCH As. As, since, and because are
a lot shorter.
INDICATE is overworked, but show is a stout
little word.
INFORMED. You are informed should be
a useless phrase in any letter.
INITIAL is overworked, but first is not used
enough.
INITIATE is a Government favorite for which
begin is synonymous. Sometimes the
word can be omitted, as in the phrase initi-
ate a citation (cite).
INCAPACITATED. Why not unable to work?
INSURE. In order to insure is a common
phrase in Government letters. Make sure
is simpler and more natural.
INTERPOSE No OBJECTION. Be direct. Say
I do not object or I approve.
JURISDICTION. See COGNIZANCE.
KINDLY should not be used for please. Please
reply, not kindly reply.
LAST AND LATEST are not interchangeable.
Last means final; latest, most recent. The
last page of a book, but the latest book
on the market.
LEAST is used when more than two persons
or things have been mentioned. Use less
when only two persons or things have
been mentioned: He is the less (not least)
forceful of the two speakers.
LENGTHY means unduly or tediously long.
Lengthy may describe some of our letters,
but long is usually the word.
LESS. See FEW and LEAST.
LIEU. In place of is more appropriate for
letters.
LIKE. Never use like to introduce a subject
and its verb. He wrote as (not like) he
spoke.
LIQUIDATE. Say pay off if you use the word
in that sense.
LOAN is not desirable as a verb. Use lend.
LOCALITY. Don't overlook the little word
place.
LOCATE. You find (not locate) a file.
MAKES PROVISION FOR. Try using does.
MEETS WITH OUR APPROVAL is a roundabout
way of saying we approve.
MODIFICATION. Change will usually take
the place of this one.
NEAR is incorrectly used in this sentence:
There is not near enough. Use nearly.
NECESSARY is used when need would do.
For example, you may shorten it is not
necessary for you to you need not.
NOMINAL means in name, and by implica-
tion small. Why not say small?
NONE as a subject is usually plural unless a
singular subject is clearly indicated. None
of the jobs are open. None of the
work is done.
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NOTWITHSTANDING THE FACT THAT is the
longwinded way of saying although or
even though.
OBJECTIVE can be aim.
OBLIGATE can be bind.
OBLIGATION can be debt.
ON is superfluous in stating days and dates.
He arrived Tuesday, not on Tuesday.
OPTIMUM is Latin for best. Let's stick to
English.
OUT is superfluous in phrases like start out
and lose out. He started (not started
out) as a messenger.
OVER should be avoided when you mean
more than in referring to a number.
There were more than (not over) five
hundred people at the meeting.
OVER THE SIGNATURE OF is an unnatural way
of saying signed by.
PAMPHLET need not be described as little.
The suffix let on words like booklet,
leaflet, and hamlet, means little or small.
PAST. Say last year, not past year, if you
mean the preceding year.
PART. Our error is better than an error on
our part.
PARTICIPATE is a common word, but take
part is a good plain way of saying the
same thing.
PARTY. Does anyone use this for person
any more? Don't.
PECUNIARILY INTERESTED. Like so many
of our pompous phrases, this one originated
to cover a broad meaning. Substitutes
for phrases like these do not always satisfy
our legal advisers. But you might try
financial interest or interest in profit.
PER need not be used for our English article a.
Avoid the Latin terms, per annum, per
diem, and so on. Say a year and a day.
PHOTOSTATIC COPIES. Photostats is a word
now generally accepted.
PLACE. See ANY PLACE.
PORTION. Part of the time, not portion
of the time.
POSSESS. Why not have?
PRACTICALLY is overworked. Use virtually,
almost, nearly.
PRECLUDE. Do you use this word whenever
you can work it in? Vary your usage with
shut out or prevent. Many letterwriters
overwork the phrase preclude the neces-
sity.
PREDECEASE is often used as a euphemism.
Euphemisms are not as tone-invoking as
you may think. Say die before.
PREDICATED ON THE ASSUMPTION. Forget
this one.
PREVENTIVE is better than the irregular
doublet preventative.
PREVIOUS To, PRIOR To. Why not before?
PRINCIPAL, PRINCIPLE. The noun principal
means had or chief, as well as capital
sum. The adjective principal means
highest or best in rank or importance.
Principle means truth, belief, policy,
conviction, or general theory.
PROCESS OF PREPARATION doesn't make the
action any more important than being
prepared or we are preparing.
PROCURE. Some people say this is the com-
mon Government word for get.
PROVEN should not be used as the past par-
ticiple of prove. Use proved. Proven
may be used as an adjective.
PROMULGATE. A long word for issue.
PROVIDING should not be used for if or
provided. Providing low-cost houses
is a problem but we will meet the prob-
lem provided the builders get supplies.
PURSUANT TO. Under will usually take the
place of this one.
QUITE means really, truly, wholly, posi-
tively. Avoid its use in phrases like
quite a few and quite some.
RARELY EVER, SELDOM EVER. Ever is su-
perfluous in phrases like these. Say we
seldom fail, not we seldom ever fail.
RECENT DATE is meaningless. Either give
the date of the letter or omit any reference
to it.
REGARDING is
overworked. Little words
wear better, so try using about oftener.
REMUNERATION. Why not pay?
RENDER. Use give in the sense of giving
help.
RESPECTING. If you mean about, why not
say about??
RESIDE. The chances are you seldom use
this word in talking. The talk word live
is the natural one for a letter.
RETAIN. Keep is not a word to shun.
REVIEW OF OUR RECORDS INDICATES. If the
information can come only from the record,
omit this phrase.
STATE is more formal than say.
SECURE. Avoid this word when get, take,
or obtain is better.
SELDOM EVER. Ever is superfluous.
SOME should not be used in the sense of
somewhat, a little, or rather. His
letters are somewhat (not some) better.
SORT. Never say these sort or those sort.
Say this sort or those sorts.
SPOUSE. Unless you are quoting a law, why
use this word in preference to husband or
wife?
STILL REMAINS. Still adds nothing to the
meaning of remains.
SUBMITTED. Sent.
SUBSEQUENT TO. After.
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SUFFICIENT. noun UTILIZATION is an inflated word for use.
TERMINATED. Ended may be just as final. VERIFICATION may be proof.
THIS- VERY is redundant in the phrase very com-
-Is To INFORM You. Omit. plete. Complete is absolute.
-Is To ACKNOWLEDGE AND THANK VISITA1ION. Why should anyone use this
You. Thank you is enough. word in the place of visit?
TRANSMIT. Send is better. WISH To APOLOGIZE, WISH To ADVISE.
UNKNOWN should be avoided in the sense of Instead of the first phrase, simply say we
unidentified. apologize. Instead of the second phrase,
UNTIL SUCH TIME AS. Until is enough. start off with what you have LO say.
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THE LETTERWRITER'S CHECKLIST
The questions are so worded that check marks in the "NO" column may
indicate your correspondence trouble spots.
YES NO
1. Are most of your letters less than a page long? El ^
2. Is your average sentence less than 22 words? ^ ^
3. Do you try to keep paragraphs short-less than 10 lines? ^ ^
4. Do you avoid beginning a letter with Reference is made or This
office is in receipt of your letter? ^ ^
5. Do you know some good techniques for beginning letters naturally
and conversationally? ^ ^
6. Can you think of 4 words that will take the place of however? ^ ^
7. As a rule do you paraphrase laws and regulations instead of play-
ing safe and quoting them? ^ ^
8. Do you know what's wrong with phrases like these: makes provi-
sion for, held a meeting, gave consideration to, meets with
the Bureau's approval? ^ ^
9. Are your letters free of pat phrases like the records of this Bureau
indicate and this office has no jurisdiction over? ^ ^
10. Do you use personal pronouns freely, particularly the personal pro-
noun you? ^ ^
11. Are your letters written in the first person (we (I) shall appre-
ciate) rather than the third person(this Bureau will appreciate)? ^ ^
12. Do you prefer active verbs (the manager read' the letter) to
passive ones (the letter was read by the manager)? ^ ^
13. When you have a choice, do you choose little words (pay, help,
mistake) rather than big ones (remuneration, assistance,
inadvertency)? ^ ^
14. Whenever possible do you refer to people by name (Mr. Jones,
Miss Smith) rather than categorically (the claimant, the vet-
eran, the applicant)? ^ ^
15. Compare your letters with your talk. Do they sound as you do
when you talk in a careful manner? ^ ^
16. Do you answer a question before explaining the answer? ^ ^
17. Do you encourage your stenographer to correct obvious errors in
your letters? ^ ^
18. Have you an urge to use a red pencil on phrases like attention is
called to the fact, it is to be noted, and it will be apparent? ^ ^
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