TECH ENGINEERING NONSENSE

• Document Type: CREST
• Collection: General CIA Records
• Document Number (FOIA) /ESDN (CREST): CIA-RDP73-00475R000102320001-9
• Release Decision: RIPPUB
• Original Classification: S
• Document Page Count: 37
• Document Creation Date: December 23, 2016
• Document Release Date: February 5, 2014
• Sequence Number: 1
• Publication Date: April 5, 1962
• Content Type: MEMO

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67 k
Do you share our enthusiasm
for simple, elegant flight systems?
If you can answer "Yes!" to this question, if you attack your engineering problems with a flair for the
dramatic, if you're totally fed up with complicated, unreliable, brute-force propulsion systems, -- we are
interested in you. Jet Repulsion Laboratories invites inquiries from qualified engineers, interested in
having a share in our unique contributions to Space-Age technology. Specialists in levitation, carpet-
systems analysis, and teleportation are urgently needed. Break away from your drab, unconventional
job. Send your resume to:
JET REPULSION LABORATORIES
(Division of Cal - Drech)
Munigrub, California
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It's an anti-friction bearing that's geometrically
designed to give true rolling motion ? and precision
made to live up to that design. Here's how you as
an engineer, can benefit from Jamkin bearings.
ATapered design enables a Jamkin roller bearing
? to take any combination of both radial and
thrust loads. You 11 often find that one Jamkin
bearing does the load-carrying job of two ball or
straight roller bearings.
BFull line contact between rollers gives Jamkin
? bearings extra load-carrying capacity. This
enables an engineer to cram maximum capacity into
minimum space. And Jamkin bearings can be pre-
loaded for accurate gear or spindle equipment.
TOGETHER-NESS rolls
What is a
Jamkin
tapered
roller
bearing?
cCase vulcanization makes the feel of Jamkin
? bearing races and rollers hard on the outside
to resist wear, tough on the inside to resist shock.
What is Together-ness? It's our word for the
result of the ceaseless American urge to make con-
tact to do more, do better, do faster. It's exciting,
rewarding work with a future.
on
JAMK1N
If you would like to help create togetherness on our
team, write Manager, College Relations, The
Jamkin Roller Bearing Company, Canton 6, Ohio.
tapered roller bearings
First in bearing value for 60 years
1
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tech engineering nonsense
MARCH 1962 Vol. XLV No.6
Feature Articles
I Was an IBM for the FBI 7
By Cal Q. Layter '54
Traffic Problems in Boston and in Leningrad 13
By Stepanit Ulousky Sunavevitch, R.C.O.P.
Some Structural Defects and Other Shortcomings of the
32.4 mm. Field Piece 1937 M1A1 19
By A. M. May '56
On Removing Impurities From Ores of a Metal of the
First Group of Transition Metals 36
By J. Volpe, B.W.
Where Does the Brown Go on Sunday Night? 23
By Al Womack '63
Fluid Flows in Packed Beds .35
By Prof. M.I.T. Symposium
Fronti s:
"After 150 years, Automation comes to the Nipple Industry..."
All material submitted with a stamped, self-addressed envelope to the Literary Editor, at this office, will receive
careful consideration. We cannot acknowledge, nor can we guarantee the return of, unsolicited manuscripts.
Copyright 1962, by the V00 DOO Senior Board. Published by the Senior Board at the Massachusetts Institute of
Technology. Office: 303 Walker Memorial, Cambridge 39, Massachusetts. Office hours: 4:30 to 5:30 p.m. Monday
through Friday. VO0 DOO is published monthly from October through May. Thirty-five cents per copy. Subscrip-
tion $2.80 for eight issues: $69.00 in Pago Pago. Published Mar. 16, 1962. Mar. copy inserted. Entered as
second class mail at Cambridge, Massachusetts. Represented for national advertising by Phil Knowles College
Magazines Inc., 11 W 42 St., New York 36, N.Y.
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"You Can Start At The Top With Himalaya."
Hung Lo (right above) has been with us since his
graduation two years ago. In that short time, he
has risen rapidly until today he heads a depart-
ment. Imagination and creativity can make a place
for you.
HIMALAYA MINING CORP.
Box 609, Darjeeling, Uttar Pihnbal, India
4
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NEW PRODUCTS LEAD TO BETTER JOBS AT DU PUNT
COULD YOU MAKE A BETTER BATHING SUIT?
The suits these girls are wearing are made of
Nolon, that amazing new synthetic fibre that can
enhance your personality. It is a product of Dupunt
research. Pure research. Applied research. And
research in manufacture, product improvement, and
operational testing. Where do you fit in?
The special features of new Nolon are high ten-
sile strength, easy fabrication, adaptability to a
wide variety of dye coloring, and water solubility.
It took plenty of research on the part of our staff of
skilled specialists to come up with this! We find
that the man who manages, somehow, to graduate
from college is well suited to the practical aspects
of our work.
Imagine! Our researchers not only followed the
chemical production of Nolon, but also helped such
well-known designers asChristian Dior,Schiaperelli,
and Winnie Winkle, produce the stunning designs
shown above. In fact, our men (drool) even got to go
along when the above shot was photographed....inci-
dentally, another set of photos, taken in the surf at
Cruftwood-by-the Sea, Delaware, will appear in
later issues of this magazine.
That's why Dupunt's employees are happy em-
ployees. Come see for yourself!
Remember! Dupunt Nolon has:
? High Tensile Strength
? Easy Fabrication
? Dye Adaptability
?Water Solubility
Write to: Personnel Directress
Dupunt Monopoly Co.
Wilmington 98,
Dupunt
Better things for Better Living through Monopoly.
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tech engineering nonsense
Professional Journal of the Undergraduates of the
Massachusetts Institute of Technology
OLD
SENIOR BOARD
General Manager ? Al Cameron
Managing Editor ? Frank Ansuini
Editors ? Greg Gabbard
Bob Hirschfeld
Business Manager ? Bob Jahncke
Art Consultant ? Paul Rubinstein
JUNIOR BOARD
Sales Manager ? Stu Rooney
Paul Wehrenberg
Make-up Editor ? Steve Zilles
Treasurer ? Mark Radwin
Circulation Manager ? Ted Graham
Publicity Manager ? Pete Angevine
Features Editor ? Eric Hoffman
Literary Editor ? Solon
Ad Manager ? Cary Mock
Art Editor ? Chez Dorr
Office Manager ? Arnie.Falick
Governmental Rep. ? Jim Bradley
Exchange Editor ? Bob Gray
Photography Editor ? Steve Benton
Procurer ? G.T. Vesper
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NEW
SENIOR BOARD
General Manager
Managing Editor
Editors
Business Manager
Art Consultant
JUNIOR BOARD
Sales Managers
Make-Up Editor
Treasurer . . . .
Circulation Manager
Publicity Managers
Frank Ansuini
Steve Benton
Bob Hirschfeld
Rick Hoffman
Mark Radwin
Jim (Chez) Dorr
Jim Kotanchik
Ted Huguenin
Bill Hoffman
Dick Lowensohn
Pete Angevine
Mike Levine
Walt Miller
Dave Dewan
Maurice Scherer
Cary Mock
Bruce Butterfield
Jim Bradley
G.T. Vesper
teal Furniture - Jungle
Ad Manager
Art Editor
Joke Editor . . .
Office Manager. .
Subscription Man
Procurer
Big Dumb Kid who S
Langer
TECH ENGINEERING NONSENSE
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From the Editor's Lab Book
There was a time when our sister publication
the tech was regarded as the lowest rag on campus,
about an angstrom below the springfield oval. But
the new management has made enormous strides
since then. Slowly they have fought.their way up-
ward until now, as we noticed the other week, they
show the sort of low animal cunning which boosted
tabloid circulations way back when.
It was, for example, exceedingly clever of them
to print two reviews of Tech Show side by side, es-
pecially since one cut it to pieces while the other
criticized only the audience for its lack of enthusiasm.
And of course it always helps circulation to sup-
port the most radical (i.e. controversial) candidate
in any election. Surely no one is going to remember
the time last year when they blasted one candidate
for the very quality for which they are praising this
one; lack of experience. But the high point of the
year occurred in the article concerning Voo Doo
cops, and debts, written by one Robert Walker
Cooley.
The insertion of a passage (having nothing
whatever to do with the subject of the article)
which explained in gory detail that Fin Board picks
each student's pocket of $12 per year to get money
to give to student activities, just before the para-
graph stating that VooDoo was given money by Fin-
Board, was a master stroke. Of course it was not
even hinted that the tech was similarly subsidized
for the first 99% of its life, during years when Voo
Doo was self-supporting. Nor was it mentioned
that this is the first time Voo Doo has ever hadto
take money from the Institute. Best of all, however,
was the snide little phrase, "In the event that Voo
Doo should ever repay its debts..." In fact, at that
very time it remained only for Voo Doo to withdraw
the money from the bank; the loan was paid off the
day that article appeared.
We would like to extend our sincerest con-
gratulations to the tech on all this improvement.
If they will just raise their sights a little more, they
will be able to reach the excellently high standards
of the yellow press of the late 1920s.
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What's New?
our Double-Breasted
All Wool Flannel
BLAZER
at only
19.95
in black
arvar
Azar
Central Square ? Cambridge
Just a half-mile down the Ave.
8
T.E.N.
MOVIE
REVUE
This month, Tech Engineering
Nonsense presents another movie
review (from a technical stand-
point, of course), which we believe
might interest many Tools. In
order to investigate the Stereo
process, we sent our Special
Process editor down to theCenter
Theater, on Washington Street, to
see the latest 3D effort, entitled
"Paradisio". (You may have
seen excerpts from this film in
the recent issue of Playboy.)
"Paradisio" is filmed in
black and white, contrary to the
impression given in the magazine
article. When the hero of the
film dons his magical glasses,
each member of the audience
must lift his half-red, half-blue
glasses to his eyes, the filtering
giving the proper part of the
image to each eye. Our reporter
indicates that the use of 3D,
while appetizingly (very) done,
technically does not match earl-
ier 3D movies, and often becomes
a strain on the viewer's eyes.
(Ushers are at hand with special
equipment for replacing eyeballs
in sockets.)
Our keen-eyed reporter also
noticed such errors as the fact
that when the intrepid hero (Mr.
Simms) approaches a custom in-
spection station, he is riding a
Lambretta . . . . but in the next
scene, his steed is magically
transformed into a Vespa. Actors
speak without moving their lips,
as well. Some of the visual high
points of the movie are too good
to be reprinted here, alas.
(Continued on page 9)
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In
classroom,
on
campus,
at
parties
CONTINENTAL '100'
pORTABLV
Tape Recorder
100% transistorized ? uses ordinary
flashlight batteries...no cord, no plug,
no outlet. Take it right into the class-
room ...record the lecture in full.
Records/plays back up to 2 hours on
a single 4 reel. Only 7 lbs.?wear it
over your shoulder like a camera.
HEightens the fun at parties, games
and songfests. Simple to operate: push
two buttons, you're recording...push
one, you're playing back. Constant-
speed motor with capstan drive. Com-
plete with NORELCO speaker and
dynamic cardioid microphone,
permitting distant pickup. Rugged ...
handsome ...surprisingly low-priced.
... see it now at camera shops, hi-fl dealers
and leading stores near the campus. Write
for brochure: A
(pe/co?
North American Philips Company, Inc.
High Fidelity Pro ducts Division
230 Duffy Ave., Hicksville, L. I., N. Y.
I e Caulk and threggliatt Ili In. 'odd, 110REICO I. Ivan is 'Ai
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We were frankly surprised to
find that the film had not been
banned in this pure and upright
city of ours . . . although it was
amusing to note that on the pages
of Playboy, which were posted
outside the theater as advertise-
ments for public view, someone
had laboriously India-Inked bras
and panties on all of the "sub-
jects."
All in all, despite many obvious
technical shortcomings, T.E.N.'s,
movie department wholeheartedly
recommends the film to all Horny
Tech Tools, to be followed by a
round or two at Jake's around the
corner.
Next month, T.E.N. will re-
view a newly acquired print of
the newest U.S. Army V.D. Movie,
soon to appear at LSC's Enter-
tainment Series.
EF = MA]
T.E.N. wishes to announce
that our recent issue, "The Road
to War" is going to be made into
a movie. The planned film will
sta.- Bob Hope and Bing Crosby.
"Pizza Pie coming up."
NEW EDUCATIONAL TOOL
Buy this toy rocket for your
children. Interest them in this
inexpensive plaything. Lasts for
years; virtually indestructible.
Harmless fuel.
Free sample of three model Atlases
can be obtained for a nominal fee
of 50ct to cover postage and handling.
Send to:
NASA Toys, Inc.
Brown Belt,
Maryland
9
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From The Strobe Lab
DE 8-8882
fik
HOUSE of ROY
jet:Clf ainESE 900C11
npEN DAILY FROM P.M. TO 2 A.M.
FOOD ORDERS TO TAKE OUT
I2A TYLER STREET BOSTON I I , MASS.
in
10
ELSIE'S
Noted for the Best Sandwiches
To Eat In or to Take Out
The famous special Roast
Beef Sandwich
KNACKWURST ? BRATWURST
with Sauerkraut or Potato Salad
71 Mt. Auburn St., Cambridge, Mass.
ELSIE and HENRY BAUMANN
EL 4-8362
SQUASH RACKETS
Large Variety ? All Prices
RESTRINGING A SPECIALTY
Sneakers ? Shoes ? Shirts
SKI EQUIPMENT
TENNIS an SH SHOP
67A Mt. Auburn Street, II arvard Square
Phone TR 6-5417
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Lowest prices on camping and sporting equipment
and
Outdoor Clothing and Footwear
Central War Surplus
433 Massachusetts Ave.
Central Sq., Cambridge
TR6-8512
THIS COUPON
WORTH 5(
Towards Any
Dinner Over $1.76)
NEWBURY'S
STEAK HOUSE
Good Until
April 20 '6 2
NOW ON SALE
$12.00
FOOD CHEQUES
$10.00 to
MIT STUDENTS
Please Have
Identification
94 MASS. AVE.
(Near Commonwealth Ave.)
Hi Fl Pizza
490 MASS. AVE,
CENTRAL SQUARE, CAMBRIDGE
11
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GffLLEfti OF
ti.00(?Cfig
PriincIPL
? Reprinted from "Electronics Design"
Names of famous electronic designers often are perpetuated by
the circuits "blamed" on them. For example, Messrs. Schmidt, Eccles
(and his buddy, Jordan), Miller and Darlington. But there are some
in the profession whose glory (and infamy) rests on a loftier plane.
Here is a glimpse of their behind-the-scenes work.
John A. Rudisill, Jr.
Bell Telephone Laboratories
Burlington, N. C.
N YOUR career in electronics, it's not
iL what you know, it's who you know. Un-
fortunately, the very persons you should
know are likely never to cross your path . . .
nor anybody else's, for that matter.
These individuals, over a period of several
years, have become the dominant force in
the design and production of electronic equip-
ment. Most of their work is accomplished
on weekends, holidays, at night, or during
lunch hours. Their names: Murphy, Finnagle,
Fudge, Fiddle, and Diddle.
Murphy has one well-known premise, which
deals with tne way engineers think, as con-
trasted to the way nature reacts. Murphy's
premise has become law:
"If there is a slight chance that something
can go wrong, it always will do so." This law
has been modified hy an engineering nut
named Finnagle and has resulted in a series
of axioms applicable to everyday engineering
problems. Some of their more obvious con-
clusions are:
? Interchangeable parts aren't. For in-
stance, 3.999 is equal to 4.
? Circuits that cannot possibly work will.
? Parts that cannot possibly be assembled
wrong will be.
12
? If a test unit functions perfectly, all
subsequent production units will fail.
? The only important dimension on a
drawing is omitted; if it is not omitted,
then it is blurred; if it is not blurred,
it is obviously the wrong value.
? In any formula, all constants are treated
as variables. So-called variables are usu-
ally found to possess the property of
being constant.
? If a safety factor is set at an unusually
high value by engineering experience,
an ingenious shop worker will immedi-
ately calculate a method to exceed this
value.
? If only one bid is obtained for a project,
the price will be outrageous.
Murphy and Finnagle also have spawned
several subprinciples :
? Curves should always be drawn first, and
the data plotted on the lines that were
made. (This is called the "Looking
Ahead Principle.")
? Nothing is ever entirely true unless
there is an equally obvious way to show
that it is entirely false. (This is known
as the "Who-Invited-Him Principle.")
This brings up the question of the Fiddle
and Fudge Factors. Fudge advanced his the-
ory before Fiddle was conceived. The Fudge
Principle is relatively simple: "If some-
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XlinfiPtlY
thing acts contrary to your equation, add a
factor to the equation to make it right." As
an example, Ohm's Law states that E = IR,
but in practice this relation does not stand
up. What do engineers do? They "fudge" it
?they change nature to fit the equation.
Ficlu!e, in association with a technical mas-
termind named Diddle, invented a routine
whereby nature need not be changed to fit
the eqLation. By this principle, the outcome
is deia,;ed and everything is jockeyed until
the eciPation and nature appear to fit with-
Mit any real change in either. By adding a
second-order term, Diddle arrived at a very
common principle: "Any facts may be made
to fit any equation without changing the
facts or the equation if enough ingenuity,
main strength and awkwardness are used."
The following tools help the engineer live
up to the Diddle principle:
? The Rule of the Way Out?"Always
leave room for an explanation of why it
difln't work."
? The IP of /0 Rule?this stands for "The
Innate Perversity of Inanimate Ob-
jects" and is better known to the elec-
tronics industry as "It's the Nature of
the Beast" Rule.
? The IC of EA Rule?this stands for
"The Inherent Contrariness of Elec-
tronic Apparatus." Or as Diddle says,
"If the answer isn't right, twist her tail
a little more."
? The NS of EE?this rule stands for
"The Native Stupidity of Electronic En-
gineers." These rules have lead to a set
of conclusions, which Murphy, Finnagle,
Fudge, Fiddle, and Diddle would like
MILTON
on Life Savers:
"Sweet is
the breath"
Still only
Ad No. 116
College Comics?
from Paradise Lost, The Beautiful World, line 1
DIDN'T START? ? Road Service
CAN'T GET OUT? ? Snow Plowing
Call GRAY'S GULF
for HELP!!
Minor Repairs ? S & H Green Stamps
Call Harold or John
EL4-8951
Tires ? Tubes ? Batteries ? Accesories
Build your own computer. We sell surplus
tubes, input-output devices, 8 cycle gen-
erators, and 4- speed gear boxes.
ELI HEFFRON & SONS, INC.
For indescribable Surplus
Electronic Equipment and Parts
321-29 Elm Street, Cambridge
Open 7:30-4:30 Monday thru Saturday
Ask for BEN orJAKE
We have Surplus Surplus
13
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THE SAFE WAY
to stay alert without
harmful stimulants
Never take chances with
dangerous "pep pills." In-
stead, take proven safe
NoDoze. Keeps you
mentally alert with the
same safe refresher found
in coffee. Yet NoDoz is
faster, handier, more
reliable. Absolutely not
habit-forming. Next time
monotony makes you feel
drowsy while driving,
working or studying, do
as millions do ... perk up
with safe, effective NoDoz.
Another fine product of
Grove Laboratories.
Sinteottei Reitaurant,
ITALIAN - AMERICAN CUISINE and PIZZA
Steaks - Chops - Lobster
IMPORTED BEERS and CHOICE LIQUORS
STUDENT DISCOUNT BOOKS AVAILABLE
21 BROOKLINE STREET CAMBRIDGE
One block from Central Square Eliot 4-9569
FREE PARKING
See Segal for Special Rates to Techmen
Seaals Body Shop
"Since 1917"
Appraiser of Automobile Accidents
Specializing in Body and Fender Repair and
Refinishing on all males of Cars..
306 Massachusetts Ave., Cambridge, Mass.
Down the Ramp of the Moss. Avenue Garage
Tel. Kirkland 7-7485
14
.FiriMOGLe F7106
to impress upon engineers:
Leap before you look. Your first thoughts
are always the best. Facts will only confuse
you.
Making decisions is a science, so get your-
self a couple of computers and relax until it
is time to tune the equipment for minimum
smoke.
Encourage shop participation. It is good for
morale and, besides, it is easier to change
something than it is to originate it.
Smother the organization of your work in
red tape. Nothing gets done, but no errors
are made either. This is known as the "Com-
munist Approach."
Stay within the accepted pattern. Heroes
usually wind up in the salt mines.
Always put at least two engineers on a
problem. It has been proved that if a mistake
is made, no one is ever at fault. Conversely,
if it canes out fight each engineer will sep-
arately claim credit, thereby giving the out-
fit more prestige.
Thie aie Lwv legitimate ways out in any
problem that combined engineering effort
has produced:
The Goony Bird Principle?Ignore the
problem and it will solve itself as soon as
people stop talking.
The Multiple-Supervisory Explosion Prin-
ciple?Start work on the problem; advertise
that the solution is difficult. It is amazing
how quickly upper management (which
knows absolutely nothing about the prob-
lem, except the one ?and only possible solu-
tion) will become more and more interested.
If it becomes a production conference agen-
da item, the "No Practical Solution Theory"
takes hold and the problem is solved. ? ?
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F =MN
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wrot T?40,kkAep ?WE MONTT/
We spotted our T.E.N. Tech-
nician-of-the-Month while return-
ings from a late night at the labs
a couple of Saturdays ago. As
we were passing building 26, we
were startled to hear soft love
songs coming from within. Upon
further investigation, we dis-
covered that the source of these
songs was not WTBS. It was the
girl who was to become our
T. E. N. T.O.T.M. for March.
Miss Penelope D. Predicate,
serendading her foremost lover
the PDP-1 computer. As we ap-
proached, she , in her embarass-
ment, returned unobtrusively to
her work.
After a few programs had
been run, and your ace reporters
had had the opportunity to get to
know Miss Predicate, she shyly
agreed to let us take some photos
of her, provided we didn't
disturb her work. Being men of
action, we whipped out our
polaroids and in fifteen minutes
produced the series of pictures
shown herein.
15
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-
? -????'
,0)
000DCO200
CCOCCODOCO
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_
gi:s.??????""= a.... ,
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-
CIA-RDP73-00475R000102320001-9 04, -
.4.04P
dl igi 1631
I
2119021-
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18
Writing to Pierre
Penny, a 5'5" brunette from
Palmetto, Nebraska, lives, eats,
and works in the second floor
of building 26. A programmer of
no small merit, she is qualified
to operate the IBM 7090 (which
she intimately calls Throckmor-
ton), the TX-0, (whom she in-
timately knows by the name Jeff),
and the PDP-1 (Pierre). She is
currently engaged in programming
Jeff to write love stories.
Miss Predicate is engaged to
Pierre, however. In fact, as
soon as he has enough money,
and associated in-put-output de-
vices, the couple plan to get
married and retire to a ranch lab
in the suburbs, where they can
continue their calculations to-
gether.
Miss Predicate is particularly
and of PM&P on T, motorcycle
rides, and do-loops. When asked
her opinion of Techmen, she re-
plied, "Well, I liked them for a
while, but they were too blase".
She dates men - other than Pierre
- only rarely, and when she does,
she prefers Harvard. "I want to
be intellectually stimulated by
men who have a desire to study
the philosophy rather than the
practice of computation," she
says.
Whereupon we men of T.E.N.
hung up our film with feelings of
inferiority and left her to her
work.
"Dear Diary ... "
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Adjusting Throckmorton
End of a perfect day
Repairing Throckmorton
19
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Paul's Esso Service Station
? Honest reliable service to M.I.T.
students for over 20 years.
? Complete Car Service
? Corner Broadway and 6th Street,
near Kendall Square
EL 4-9392
Hearing Aids
Contact Lens
Service
Prescriptions Filled
Glasses Repaired
Unity Optical Co
Abe [Vise, Licensed Optician
31 Massachusetts Ave.
COpley 7-1571
Special Prices to MIT Community
_Nearest Optical House to M.I.T.
Mainport Pharmacy, Inc.
781 Main Street
Cambridge Massachusetts
KI 7-6050
Specializing in Prescriptions
We carry a complete line of Polaroid Equip-
ment and Supplies
Full Line of
Cosmetics ? Drugs ? Sundries
CAMBRIDGE MUSIC BOX
647 Mass. Ave. TR 6-7789 Central Sq.
PRESENTS
Long Play Record of the Month
45 RPM SHOUT ? Joey Dee
33 RPM DUKE OF EARL ? Gene Chandler
79# $2.98
Complete Stock of 45 RPM Records Available
Old Favorites As Well As The New
20
ON CERTAIN LEGALLY NECESSARY REDUC-
TIONS, AND THE OPTIMUM METHODS THEREOF
by Prof.-Doctor Samuel Moriarty, University of Reich-
enbach, Switzerland
Our problem is that of reducing approximately
150 lb. of fat (lipids and phospholipids), protein
(doxyribosenucleotidephosphates and molecules of
comparable complexity), and bone (calcium) phos-
phate) to as unorganized a condition as possible.
The problem is complicated by the fact that we are
also required to deal with extraneous organic and
inorganic materials such as cloth, dentures, and the
contents of pockets, and by the further fact that the
final product must be a gas or a liquid, diffusable
through the pure air or through the municipal sewer
system, in order to take full advantage of the an-
cient Roman law of corpus non delectable, or de
murtuiis nil nisi bonum.1
Of course combustion presents the most imme-
diately obvious, and indeed perhaps most readily
accessible method. Yet I need hardly point. out
that a simple Bunsen burner emits a flame of dis-
tinctly inadequate magnitude for such a purpose.
Further, the odor caused by this process is both ob-
noxious and conducive to detection. And the four to
five lb. of ash which form the residue upon analysis
.nay be discovered to contain much greater percen-
tage of phosphates than any wood or coal ash. What
is even more, dentures and coins may survive the
destruction, as the late lamented Dr. Landru dis-
covered, to his discomfiture, One may with a fair
degree of safety dissolve the ashes in concentrated
HC1, however, being certain to dispose well of the
metallic remains.
My optimum method, which I propose rather mo-
destly to denominate the "Watson Method", assumes
a method for disposal of excess body liquids such as
blood; this may be easily done by washing them
down the drain while the subject reposes in the bath.
The limbs may thus be dismembered carefully, and
dissolved in a caldron of very hot caustic soda
(NaOH). When the flesh has been eliminated, the
bones may be removed with tongs, washed, and then
broken up and dissolved in hot concentrated nitric
acid (HNO3). The charged liquids so produced may
be diluted to a concentration of approximately .05
and poured away down the drain. The clothes may
also be dissolved in soda, and things as buttons in
the nitric acid.
Our scientist concludes by dissolving the gold
fillings,if any, in aqua regia (HNO3 plus HC1); any
porcelain ones are ground up and dissolved in HF.
The reader is warned not to try the Watson Method
without previous laboratory experience and a suitable
subject.
1. For this and other Roman laws, as well as disposal of
superfluous gall bladders, see Caesar's "Gallic Wars".
EF = . MA
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ERRATA
A few points were not made quite clear in my
article which appeared in your October 1961 issue.
(A Lecture by Prof. Ignatius Plurp As Given To
His Students). As you will no doubt remember,
when I developed the solution for the spin orbital
relative singular particle reference Hamilton equa-
tion, otherwise known as Taylor's function, I was
unable to obtain a solution in closed form. Since
then, Krock and Krepp have developed a method of
generating solutions using Pandowski polynomials .
This method makes use of the fact that
+jb
T(i,r) = S Spi (s)? x ,A)(s) x 2-01) dydr
where P(q,p) is the Pandowski polynomial of order
six.
Using this polynomial in the standard manner,
and introducing it into the garbage function, we
obtain
?N, [,(1( ? *) 010dil
where k is the distance to the moon in aard-varks.
It can easily be shown, using the techniques of de
Sade that this function, when differentiated twice
with respect to the number six yields a Hurwitz
polynomial, from which, incidentally the Laplesian
distribution,
LT = [P Ceo4) 'Sri fitib!C )1e3iF(4441.S.Ct .AVVrCihe
T
can be obtained by inspection. But, if we integrate
with respect to j we obtain the solution we are
after:
xl1E114-
kfricA410214 4
f)?
(stftv,t
110 JRti-ro
4,6? dr
?
5!
Oh, well, I'm not much good at math, anyway.
Prof. Ignatius Plurp
Room 11-806
Massachusetts Bay College
ABPAEZHAIK AMN011 PLT?1/(1))(TC2
/C46
WUT.Z.11,0
ignibmitp
Club ,SbOtf%
ov
BOSTONIAN
FROM OUR
0'10=50 C
Collection
tub
HAND-SEWN MOCCASINS*
BY BOSTONIAN
Here is the authentic hand-sewn moccasin
you prefer. The front seam is hand-sewn
and hand-shaped for foot-hugging comfort.
The heel is specially moulded for stay-on fit.
In rich harvest brown or black.
$15.95
TECHNOLOGY COOP
*Hand-sewn fronts.
ABFAEZHOIK AMNF.OIIPET*(1)X
21
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WWWWWWWWWWA WWWWWA
WWWWWAYAUWWWWWWW
WWWWWW0e0AUWWWWWWWWWA
WWWWWWWWWAYAUWWWWWAW
IMAYAMKAKAala
WIMAUWeeeeWAWAWA
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yo:y.w.vermvorye4
v.v.v.v.vow.r.,000.v.:4:4:44t6
"GOODBYE, CRUEt Gt/ORL D"
22
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Magazine reading is a very special skill. It is
very rare to fino a person starting from the front
cover and reading straight through to the last page.
Instead, he will usually, although not always, start
at the beginning and rapidly turn pages until sud-
denly he will stop . . something has caught the
attention of our haphazard reader. Has he seen an
article of tremendous import or grave national con-
cern? Or, perhaps, has he caught a title which
moves his imagination to strange, unexplored re-
gions? Of course not! Probably he has come to a
picture of a partially clad, very scantily clad, or,
most likely completely unclad woman. This is what
attracts the eye of the typical magazine reader, and
publishers use this fact to their utmost advantage.
Publishers who are foolish enough to attempt to
publish and sell literature that does not deal with
sex (like the tech) generally must resort to other
methods of catching the eye of the reader. And so
we come to the difficult problem of creating titles
for articles of a non-sexual nature. The problem is
most difficult in the case of scientific literature.
Let us say you have just written an article about
extraction of zinc ores from sea water. If you have
ever read a technical magazine you know what the
title will be: "Extraction of Zinc Ores from Sea
Water." How can you glamorize a title when your
subject matter is so completely unglamorous?
A common solution is to give the article a title
completely unrelated to the subject. You might try
"An Evening with the Perverts" or "Saturday Night
at ScoIlay Square," or "A Day at Harvard." But
that would be misleading, sneaky, and generally
unsportsmanlike.
A second approach is the use of an interesting
sounding scientific word, which may be fabricated
if necesscry. (The advertising industry uses this
approach; i.e. gardol, perstop, micronite,filter,
charcoal filter, recessed filter, cancer filter, etc.)
Thus you might call your article "Aexcryphonifica-
tion of Zinc." Who, (at least, who at M.I.T. could
resist a title such as that? You may then go on to
define "aexcryphonofication" as a revolutionary
new metal, a revolutionary new process, a revolu-
tionary new mechanism, or very simply, a revolu-
tionary new. You may also take the coward's me-
thod and not define it at all. Your readers will
never know the difference.
Technique 1962
ONLY ONE LEFT!
Right, most peoplehave only one left
hand! If YOU have one you can now
buy
The Yearbook that dares to be different
on sale
For the Last Time at Reduced Prices
Lobby Building X (10)
1870
1962
JAMES F. BRINE, INC.
Harvard Square, Cambridge
TR 6-4218
Complete Sporting Goods, Baseball,
Softball, Tennis, Lacrosse
Sneakers, Sox
Kendall Square Gulf Service Sta.
KENDALL SQ.
Complete Car Service ? Lubrication ? Washing
Tires ? Batteries ? Accessories
Parking ? Daily or Monthly ? Cor. of 3rd St.
Motor Tune Up Service
Complete Repairs
11 Broadway E Liot 4-9286
23
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only at
AL TRAGER'S
can you get
K ISHKI
REPLACH
NADEL
UGEL
ASHE
444 HARVARD ST. BROOKLINE
The New
Location of
? LARRY'S
BARBER SHOP
282 Massachusetts Avenue
2 Blocks from M. I. T in the Beaver House
"For That Well-Groomed Look
- - Go To Larry's"
24
There are times when you wish to use the re-
verse approcah. That is, you have absolutely nothing
to say (like T.E.N.), you know nothing at all about
it (like T.E.N. writers), and when it comes right down
to it, you don't really give a damn about it (like
T.E.N.'s readers), You now have an article that
says absolutely nothing, and is in desperate need
of a title. There is a foolproof solution to your
problem. Begin your title with the words "Intro?
duction to ..." or "Elementary Principles of ..."
or, a consistent winner, "Basic . .". You can
even call it "Basic Aexcryphonification." The
typical, cultured reader (as, for example, the M.I.T.
student) will not even bother to look at anything
which is "basic" or "elementary." Who will read
your article? The Harvard student, of course; and
with just a few fabricated words of five syllables
or more, intermixed with meaningless scientific
jargon, which is easily picked up at 8.03 lectures,
and POOF! The reader is so completely snowed
that he acclaims your article as the greatest scien-
tific discovery since the synthesis of the first
known aphrodisiac.
Let us now consider the one remaining possi-
bility; you actually have something to say! It is of
vital interest to every American. You want to make
sure it is read, yet you cannot think of a catchy
realistic title. You fear it will be printed in T.E.N.
and overlooked as the readers thumb through the
dreary pages. Fear not! All is not lost. You can
make sure the world receives your message, and
you don't even need any title at all. Get Voo Doo
to print your worthless rot. Voo Doo readers con-
sume everything that appears between the covers of
the magazine, title or no title. You don't believe
it? All right, skeptic, check the title of this ar-
ticle, Need I say more?
? By Al Bloom
CF = MA]
The Music Dept. demonstrates the
proper method of handling hi-fi
records.
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CIA-RDP73-00475R000102320001-9 SSACHUSETTS INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY
Physics 8.02S Laboratory
Supplementary Experiment
Spring Term 1962
1. INTRODUCTION
The Physics Department of M. I.T. has recently reviewed its undergraduate Physics
policy, and this Laboratory experiment represents the first flowering of the confer-
ences that were held during the fall term 1962. It should be realized that the adop-
tion of this policy is tentative, and depends upon the realization of the beneficial
results expected to accrue. For this reason, the experiment has been limited for
the present, to freshman students of demonstrated outstanding ability.
The choice of this particular experiment as a sounding board for the new philosophy
of the Department was motivated by two considerations:
a) The new philosophy per se.
b) The excess of graduate instructors.
Whether or not these considerations will be adequately dealt with, can in the last
analysis only be determined after the experiment has been performed. With its usual
perspicacity, the department has tried to foresee all possible c onting enc i e sand
account for them. Of course the Department ostensibly being only human, there is
a small but finite probability of s ome defect in the experimental method having been
overlooked. If there is such, it will arise during the experiment and the attempt
willbe made thento correct for it. The Theoretical Physics Group wishes explicitly
to state that they are not the Experimental Physics Group, and do not claim respon-
sibility for the experiments outcome. However, they state that, in theory at least,
the experiment is completely sound, without flaws of any form.
-
Properly Performed Experiment
- -
3") 6
2. INSTRUCTIONS
The experiment is limited to freshmen students in the upper one fourth of the class.
All students who qualify and wish to take part in this experiment must indicate their
desire by submitting a sealed envelope with their name and addre s s to Room 6-113 not
later than April 5, 1962. From those applying, forty-two percent will be chosen, on
the basis of extracurricular activities.
The experiment will take place on April 20th which is a Friday. The students will
be excused from all classes on that day. The experiment may be substituted for any
one of the regular laboratory sessions. You will be graded on your work but the
lowest grade will be a B.
You will present yourself in front of the main building on or before five-o-clock
A.M. Friday morning at whichtime a bus will leave for the experimental site. Those
of you who will return, will do so at two-o-clock A. M. Saturday the 21st.
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3. THEORY
Basically, the experiment is a verification of all the Newtonian Physics you have
learned so far, plus a new relation:
E - mc2
where E is energy is ergs
mis mass in grams
c - 2.99764.00004210 cm sec - 1* is the velocity of light, a physical
constant.
This is Einsteins energy relationship, derived by means of the theory of special
relativity. It can be arrived at by u sing the Lorentz Transformations properly **,
By bringing together a critical mass of Rutonium, and by appropriate measure-
ments and calculation, the relationship will, it is hoped, be verified.
4. PROCEDURE
The students will work in groups of three. The experimental apparatus will come
in a kit that will be issued just before the experiment. Each group will be issued a
graduate student and a critical mass. NO MORE THAN ONE CRITICAL MASS WILL
BE ISSUED TO A GROUP. However if you use up one graduate student, another
will be supplied.
You will note that each kit contains a black box two meters by one meter by one
meter. Place your graduate student (abbreviated Grad. orV ) in a black box. We
have tried to select only plump Grad's, so to a first approximation the Grad, com-
pletely fills the black box.
Displace the Grad, in water, and by means of Archimides principle, calculate his
density Q ? As a controls, do the same with one of your partners. Note that in every
instance, the Grad, is denser than the Undergrad. This is a basic law.
You will notice two small boxes; each contain one
half of a critical mass of plutonium. Do not place
these boxes in proximity. This could ruin the ex-
periment, and you will not be issued any more plu-
tonium.
Place in the black box with the Grad, a clock and a
meter stick. You may recognize these as the apparatus
used in experiment 5, MEASUREMENT OF THE
SPEED OF LIGHT WITH A CLOCK AND A METER
STICK;
Taking your critical mass, weigh it and place it in
the black box with the Gra d. Then, using the lead
blocks you will find in your kit, build a Gaussian sur-
face around the Grad. Then retire to 5000 ft. from
your experimental site.
Your Grad, has been instructed, as a part of a spec-
ial course 8.100 leading to an especially high degree, to
place the two boxes in proximity and record the re-
sults in an M.I.T. computation notebook, obtainable at
the coop, but which will be supplied with each kit. You
will use this date in your writeup.
5. OBSERVATIONS.
This will become self evident.
26
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V>6
formal integration as
applied to the un.
certainty principle
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6. CALCULATIONS.
After a suitable time has elapsed, return to the experimental site. Do not be dis-
heartened if there is not anything immediately apparent. Physicists are often faced
with discouraging results.
A little consideration will show that although the Grad, is nowhere in sight, theory
predicts that his center of mass is still right in the middle of the site. This should
be encouraging. Therefore, using this point as the origin in a spherical co-ordinate
system, and designating a small volume of the Grad, as dv we can write :****
dv =2 5in I) drcOdy = v
Normalize the Grad. Student (this is probably the most difficult part of the ex-
periment as Grad.'s contain a large number of singularities). We then integrate the
Grad. Student over all space;
J/Jvrtindrdedq
II 'rote
If this integration is performed properly, you should re-obtain your grad. This is
a direct verification of the completeness Theorem.
If some parts are still missing, expand the Grad, in a Fourier Series (Hildebrand,
Op.Cit.) and, using the mean square deviation criteria, determine which parts are
missing. This represents a defectwhich can be removed only by perturbation theory.
A number of professors will be available to supply the necessary perturbation.
All your data should be obtainable from the Grad. Of course you must expect some-
error, due to the Uncertainty Principle which states that if a random sampling of
Grad.'s is taken on any particular question, the answers lie in a gaussian distribu-
tion about the correct answer. However, as your Grad, was part of a moving co-
ordinate systemrelativetothe earth, you should be able to verify the Lorentz space-
time relationships.
Ask your Grad, only intelligent, pertinent questions. Due to the large amounts of
energy absorbed by the Grad., he was throughout the experiment in a high quantum
state, and therefore you will not be able to verify the quantum theory. You might ask
though (strictly off the record) whether he felt predominently like a wave or a par-
ticle. This may be significant. Due to the Grad.'s dispersion, a single wavelength
cannot be assigned him. However-he canbe represented as a wave packet that spreads
with time. He will not radiate intelligence.
The writeup will be left to the student's ingenuity.
7. CONCLUSIONS:
When you have finished the experiment, return the apparatus and as much of the
Grad, that remains to the Laboratory Supply Room. The reports should be turned in
Rm. 6 -113 not later than two weeks after the experiment - May 4th. Please include in
your report your personal subjective feelings about the worth of this experiment in
your scientific educations. The Physics Department hopes that this experiment will
be one you will not easily forget, an experience that will be as much an inspiration
as the regular curricula.
P. P. icw
3/4/62
* Birge, Reviews of Modern Physics 13,233, 1941
**Richtmeyer &Kennedy, 5th edition, Chap 2, Introduction to Modern Physics.
*** Fradley, Terdley, & Smedley, 7th edition, Cover, Das Einfa chun s chw e r e
Basisch-Elementarish Gang-Leicht Theorie.
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THE HUMANITIES DEPARTMENT
OF M.I.T. ANNOUNCES
BOIT ESSAY PRIZE
Prizes of $75, $40, and $25 for the best
essay on subjects suitable for treatment
in literary form.
BOIT PRIZE FOR IMAGINATIVE WRITING
Prizes of $75, $40, and $25 for the best
unpublished short story, collection of poems,
or one-act play.
ELLEN KING PRIZE
$50 worth of books for the best unpublished
essay writing by a freshman.
For rules of procedure inquire at the Humani-
ties Department Office, room 14N407.
Deadline for entries April 9, 1962
28
How to Succeed in
Engineering Management
Without Appearing to
be Really Trying
Jurin Toomer '62
Some people are creative, others are
competent manual laborers, others are co-or-
dinators, manipulators, in other words Execu-
tives. Training for the last classification comes
not so much in school, as at school, from work-
ing in and on student activities.
"Executives are born, not made."
Superficial personality is all important. Re-
gardless of your basic character, first impres-
sions are what count. Develop, if you can, a
permanent S.E.G., a firm handshake, a confi-
dent spring in your step, and a distinctive
name (if your name is not distinctive, change
it!) Managerial prowess requires little academ-
ic training since success in this field depends
on these personality traits and such inborn
characteristics as cunning, daring, amorality,
greed, and inherited wealth. The true Execu-
tive enjoys nothing more than utilizing these
attributes in the practice of his chosen profes-
sion. For the purpose of illustration, I would
like to run some of my own successes up the
flagpole and see who fires on them.
"Diversification is the key to success.''
When you go to college, get a job, preferably
one which requires a minimal amount of actual
work. When promoting a product of questionable
merit, it is necessary to have the support and
complicity of all employees intimately con-
nected with the production or distribution of the
product -- so by all means, choose an organi-
zation with such strong "in-group" attitudes.
Being a naturally enthusiastic type, the latent
manager can quickly claw his way to the top of
the heap by ingratiating himself with the exist-
ing managerial elite. Once an executive, the
fun begins. This position offers one the dedi-
cated services of the epsilon semi-morons
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and devotion can be assured, ironically, by
giving them more work to do, gratis, "for the
Organization". This gives them a gratifying
sense of belonging, and keeps them out of
trouble. This position also gives one the op-
portunity to associate with the school adminis-
tration who are understandably appreciative of
the superfluous work which one induced one's
underling's to do. Furthermore, mere holding of
this job can aid one's political career by help-
ing create the "poor boy" image, while one's
managerial status assures that such will never
be the case. You will of course go into Stu-
dent Government. If one's personality is ba-
sically repulsive, as is usually the case, one
must rely on appointments or positions elected
by a small number of one's friends, then rise
through the ranks of the bureaucracy until one
is high enough to run for kingpin on a platform
of "responsibility".
Steal Ideas.
Promise Certainties.
Call Administration Personnel by
their First Names.
Cheat.
You'll win.
Once in power, remember, this glory is
transitory. You will have acquired a hardcore
of loyal mole-like supporters who are indebted
to you for their jobs. Leave the coolie work to
them. Spend your time dealing with "wheels".
See if you can get some sort of permanent, en-
during memorial to yourself. This will come in
handy in later years when someone asks, "Who
was he?"
Having attained at least these two posi-
tions, your prospects are limited only by the
number of enemies you have acquired. This in-
valuable experience will look good when trying
to get a job without any other qualifications...
GOOD HUNTING
EF = MA
I was a prof. of electrical engineering
before disarmament.
29
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" and the new shall
?
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replace the old "
Phos 3:23
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All brand newvalues based on the Daniel Q. Supertool System (Element Number One. the 5.02 Unknown equals 0.000)
Element
Symbols
Atomic Weight
Natural State.
Arsenic
(AS)
23 kg
Tea
Asinine
(Ie)
73 lbs/gal
In combination with Dittonium
Auditorium
(ad)
1500 tons (Kresge)
Cracked
Barium
(Ba)
44 slugs
Nudist Colonies
Bauxite
(BO)
89 sl igs)
Centrally located
Beer me
(Bn)
12 oz.
Cans
Birchiurn
(BO
1776 kopecks
Found in Radicals
Burn sium
(Bs)
230 lbs.
Fatty solid
Burtonite
(Bt)
130 lbs.
On Commons
Coopium
(Cp)
40 Mas save.
Loses 10% a year
Cranium
(Hd)
11 lbs.
On your shoulders, stupid
Dittonium
(1"")
5 Shovels
Combination with Jurium
Dung sten
(Sh)
76 Trombones
Cambridge soil
Estrogen
(Sx)
10 c.c./ shot
Rare Earth
Fassium
(Fg)
372 Memdr.
No Rooms
Finc
(Fn)
$3 reward.
Judcom
Foecium
(Fc)
97 loads
Yes?
Gilbey's Gin
(Gg)
1 fifth
inebriation
Hexoch lorophene
(Hx)
70 GL
Under Arms
Hotassi urn
(H)
5
Supine
I nscomm
(Foo)
347658922 exc.
Confused
Jacqueline
(if k)
Nothing
Publicized
Janitorium
(Jn)
8 sweeps/day
Asleep
Jargon
(Jg)?
16 pages/week
the tech
Jurium
(Fu)
181 slaves/dorm
Fenced in
Killium
($$)
1700 bucks/yr.
Too Damn Much
Kryptonite
(Kr)
905699 ergs
Fatal to Superman
Lesbium
(Lb)
2/pair
Island of Lesbos
Libertine
(Ln)
68.9999764z.
In the process of.
Listerine
(IS)
39 0 /bottle
Pfui!
Moron
(Mo)
55 I.Q.
Urchin
Nookium
(Nm)
Undetermined
Likewise
Nymphon
(Ny)
Hy. 1-1986
Let us know
Oshium
(UoP)
62 Classof
Inert
Paladin
(TV)
6 Shooter
Will travel
Peon
(U)
7-107
Mexican itinerant
Phosgene
(Ps)
1914-18
A real gasser
Phosphorous
(P)
50-304
Inebriated feline
Plurpium
(Pp)
8.05 gasps
Unstable
Queeri ne
(4u)
We're not sure
Unnatural state
Silicon
(Si)
28.086
Grey, comes in quartz
Silly Putty
(SP)
Variable
Grey, comes i n lumps
Sin
(Sn)
22 1/2 times
Clandestine
Strattonium
(St)
111 Memdr.
Inaccessible
Titanium
(Tt)
36 inches
Supported
Trojine
(TI)
many
In the horse
Vase un
(Vs)
79
Valuable
Virgine
(Bg)
36-23-35
Rare Earth
Wadleighum
(Wd)
1234567890
Consternation
Walker Coffee
(ugh
10 0 / dreg
Charles River
Welleslium
(Ws)
15 mi/ frm tch.
Receptive
32
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Declassified in Part - Sanitized Copy Approved for Release @ 50-Yr 2014/02/05: CIA-RDP73-00475R000102320001-9
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Declassified in Part - Sanitized Copy Approved for Release @ 50-Yr 2014/02/05: CIA-RDP73-00475R000102320001-9
Declassified in Part - Sanitized Copy Approved for Release @ 50-Yr 2014/02/05:
CIA-RDP73-00475R000102320001-9
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Declassified in Part - Sanitized Copy Approved for Release @ 50-Yr 2014/02/05:
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